NCERT book Class 10 English - The Sermon at Benares

 Page 1


BEFORE YOU READ
Activity
Use a dictionary or ask for your teacher’s help as you discuss
the following questions in groups.
1. What is a sermon? Is it different from a lecture or a talk? Can
this word also be used in a negative way or as a joke (as in
“my mother’s sermon about getting my work done on time…”)?
2. Find out the meanings of the words and phrases given in
the box.
afflicted with be composed desolation
lamentation procure be subject to
3. Have you heard of the Sermon on the Mount? Who delivered
it?  Who do you think delivered a sermon at Benares?
GAUTAMA Buddha (563 B.C.– 483 B.C.) began life as a
prince named Siddhartha Gautama, in northern
India. At twelve, he was sent away for schooling in
the Hindu sacred scriptures and four years later he
returned home to marry a princess. They had a son
and lived for ten years as befitted royalty. At about
the age of twenty-five, the Prince, heretofore shielded
from the sufferings of the world, while out hunting
chanced upon a sick man, then an aged man, then
a funeral procession, and finally a monk begging
for alms. These sights so moved him that he at
once went out into the world to seek enlightenment
concerning the sorrows he had witnessed.
He wandered for seven years and finally sat
down under a peepal tree, where he vowed to stay
chanced upon
came across by
chance
enlightenment
a state of high
spiritual knowledge
Reprint 2024-25
Page 2


BEFORE YOU READ
Activity
Use a dictionary or ask for your teacher’s help as you discuss
the following questions in groups.
1. What is a sermon? Is it different from a lecture or a talk? Can
this word also be used in a negative way or as a joke (as in
“my mother’s sermon about getting my work done on time…”)?
2. Find out the meanings of the words and phrases given in
the box.
afflicted with be composed desolation
lamentation procure be subject to
3. Have you heard of the Sermon on the Mount? Who delivered
it?  Who do you think delivered a sermon at Benares?
GAUTAMA Buddha (563 B.C.– 483 B.C.) began life as a
prince named Siddhartha Gautama, in northern
India. At twelve, he was sent away for schooling in
the Hindu sacred scriptures and four years later he
returned home to marry a princess. They had a son
and lived for ten years as befitted royalty. At about
the age of twenty-five, the Prince, heretofore shielded
from the sufferings of the world, while out hunting
chanced upon a sick man, then an aged man, then
a funeral procession, and finally a monk begging
for alms. These sights so moved him that he at
once went out into the world to seek enlightenment
concerning the sorrows he had witnessed.
He wandered for seven years and finally sat
down under a peepal tree, where he vowed to stay
chanced upon
came across by
chance
enlightenment
a state of high
spiritual knowledge
Reprint 2024-25
112
First Flight
until enlightenment came. Enlightened after seven
days, he renamed the tree the Bodhi Tree (Tree of
Wisdom) and began to teach and to share his new
understandings. At that point he became known as
the Buddha (the Awakened or the Enlightened). The
Buddha preached his first sermon at the city of
Benares, most holy of the dipping places on the River
Ganges; that sermon has been preserved and is given
here. It reflects the Buddha’s wisdom about one
inscrutable kind of suffering.
Kisa Gotami had an only son, and he died. In her grief
she carried the dead child to all her neighbours, asking
them for medicine, and the people said, “She has lost
her senses. The boy is dead.”
At length, Kisa Gotami met a man who replied to her
request, “I cannot give thee medicine for thy child, but I
know a physician who can.”
And the girl said, “Pray tell me, sir; who is it?” And
the man replied, "Go to Sakyamuni, the Buddha.”
Kisa Gotami repaired to the Buddha and cried, “Lord
and Master, give me the medicine that will cure my boy.”
The Buddha answered, “I want a handful of mustard-
seed.” And  when the girl in her joy  promised to procure
it, the Buddha added, “The mustard-seed must be taken
from a  house where no one has lost a child, husband,
parent or friend.”
Poor Kisa Gotami now went from house to house,
and the people pitied her and said, “Here is mustard-
seed; take it!” But when she asked, “Did a son or
daughter, a father or mother, die in your family?” they
answered her, “Alas! the living are few, but the dead are
many. Do not remind us of our deepest grief.” And there
was no house but some beloved one had died in it.
Kisa Gotami became weary and hopeless, and sat
down at the wayside watching the lights of the city, as
they flickered up and were extinguished again. At last
the darkness of the night reigned everywhere. And she
considered the fate of men, that their lives flicker up
and are extinguished again. And she thought to herself,
“How selfish am I in my grief! Death is common to all;
yet in this valley of desolation there is a path that leads
him to immortality who has surrendered all selfishness.”
The Buddha said, ‘‘The life of mortals in this world
is troubled and brief and combined with pain. For there
sermon
religious or moral
talk
dipping places
bathing
inscrutable
something which
cannot be
understood
repaired (a stylistic
use) went to
valley of
desolation
an area which is filled
with deep sorrow
mortals
those bound to die
Reprint 2024-25
Page 3


BEFORE YOU READ
Activity
Use a dictionary or ask for your teacher’s help as you discuss
the following questions in groups.
1. What is a sermon? Is it different from a lecture or a talk? Can
this word also be used in a negative way or as a joke (as in
“my mother’s sermon about getting my work done on time…”)?
2. Find out the meanings of the words and phrases given in
the box.
afflicted with be composed desolation
lamentation procure be subject to
3. Have you heard of the Sermon on the Mount? Who delivered
it?  Who do you think delivered a sermon at Benares?
GAUTAMA Buddha (563 B.C.– 483 B.C.) began life as a
prince named Siddhartha Gautama, in northern
India. At twelve, he was sent away for schooling in
the Hindu sacred scriptures and four years later he
returned home to marry a princess. They had a son
and lived for ten years as befitted royalty. At about
the age of twenty-five, the Prince, heretofore shielded
from the sufferings of the world, while out hunting
chanced upon a sick man, then an aged man, then
a funeral procession, and finally a monk begging
for alms. These sights so moved him that he at
once went out into the world to seek enlightenment
concerning the sorrows he had witnessed.
He wandered for seven years and finally sat
down under a peepal tree, where he vowed to stay
chanced upon
came across by
chance
enlightenment
a state of high
spiritual knowledge
Reprint 2024-25
112
First Flight
until enlightenment came. Enlightened after seven
days, he renamed the tree the Bodhi Tree (Tree of
Wisdom) and began to teach and to share his new
understandings. At that point he became known as
the Buddha (the Awakened or the Enlightened). The
Buddha preached his first sermon at the city of
Benares, most holy of the dipping places on the River
Ganges; that sermon has been preserved and is given
here. It reflects the Buddha’s wisdom about one
inscrutable kind of suffering.
Kisa Gotami had an only son, and he died. In her grief
she carried the dead child to all her neighbours, asking
them for medicine, and the people said, “She has lost
her senses. The boy is dead.”
At length, Kisa Gotami met a man who replied to her
request, “I cannot give thee medicine for thy child, but I
know a physician who can.”
And the girl said, “Pray tell me, sir; who is it?” And
the man replied, "Go to Sakyamuni, the Buddha.”
Kisa Gotami repaired to the Buddha and cried, “Lord
and Master, give me the medicine that will cure my boy.”
The Buddha answered, “I want a handful of mustard-
seed.” And  when the girl in her joy  promised to procure
it, the Buddha added, “The mustard-seed must be taken
from a  house where no one has lost a child, husband,
parent or friend.”
Poor Kisa Gotami now went from house to house,
and the people pitied her and said, “Here is mustard-
seed; take it!” But when she asked, “Did a son or
daughter, a father or mother, die in your family?” they
answered her, “Alas! the living are few, but the dead are
many. Do not remind us of our deepest grief.” And there
was no house but some beloved one had died in it.
Kisa Gotami became weary and hopeless, and sat
down at the wayside watching the lights of the city, as
they flickered up and were extinguished again. At last
the darkness of the night reigned everywhere. And she
considered the fate of men, that their lives flicker up
and are extinguished again. And she thought to herself,
“How selfish am I in my grief! Death is common to all;
yet in this valley of desolation there is a path that leads
him to immortality who has surrendered all selfishness.”
The Buddha said, ‘‘The life of mortals in this world
is troubled and brief and combined with pain. For there
sermon
religious or moral
talk
dipping places
bathing
inscrutable
something which
cannot be
understood
repaired (a stylistic
use) went to
valley of
desolation
an area which is filled
with deep sorrow
mortals
those bound to die
Reprint 2024-25
113
The Sermon at Benares
is not any means by which those that have been born
can avoid dying; after reaching old age there is death; of
such a nature are living beings. As ripe fruits are early
in danger of falling, so mortals when born are always in
danger of death. As all earthen vessels made by the
potter end in being broken, so is the life of mortals. Both
young and adult, both those who are fools and those
who are wise, all fall into the power of death; all are
subject to death.
“Of those who, overcome by death, depart from life,
a father cannot save his son, nor kinsmen their relations.
Mark! while relatives are looking on and lamenting
deeply, one by one mortals are carried off, like an ox
that is led to the slaughter. So the world is afflicted  with
death and decay, therefore the wise do not grieve,
knowing the terms of the world.
“Not from weeping nor from grieving will anyone
obtain peace of mind; on the contrary, his pain will be
the greater and his body will suffer. He will make himself
sick and pale, yet the dead are not saved by his
lamentation. He who seeks peace should draw out the
arrow of lamentation, and complaint, and grief. He who
has drawn out the arrow and has become composed
will obtain peace of mind; he who has overcome all
sorrow will become free from sorrow, and be blessed.”
[Source: Betty Renshaw
Values and Voices: A College Reader (1975)]
afflicted with
affected by suffering,
disease or pain
lamentation
expression of sorrow
1. When her son dies, Kisa Gotami goes from house to house. What does she
ask for? Does she get it? Why not?
2. Kisa Gotami again goes from house to house after she speaks with the
Buddha. What does she ask for, the second time around? Does she get it?
Why not?
3. What does Kisa Gotami understand the second time that she failed to
understand the first time? Was this what the Buddha wanted her to
understand?
4. Why do you think Kisa Gotami understood this only the second time? In
what way did the Buddha change her understanding?
5. How do you usually understand the idea of ‘selfishness’? Do you agree with
Kisa Gotami that she was being ‘selfish in her grief ’?
Reprint 2024-25
Page 4


BEFORE YOU READ
Activity
Use a dictionary or ask for your teacher’s help as you discuss
the following questions in groups.
1. What is a sermon? Is it different from a lecture or a talk? Can
this word also be used in a negative way or as a joke (as in
“my mother’s sermon about getting my work done on time…”)?
2. Find out the meanings of the words and phrases given in
the box.
afflicted with be composed desolation
lamentation procure be subject to
3. Have you heard of the Sermon on the Mount? Who delivered
it?  Who do you think delivered a sermon at Benares?
GAUTAMA Buddha (563 B.C.– 483 B.C.) began life as a
prince named Siddhartha Gautama, in northern
India. At twelve, he was sent away for schooling in
the Hindu sacred scriptures and four years later he
returned home to marry a princess. They had a son
and lived for ten years as befitted royalty. At about
the age of twenty-five, the Prince, heretofore shielded
from the sufferings of the world, while out hunting
chanced upon a sick man, then an aged man, then
a funeral procession, and finally a monk begging
for alms. These sights so moved him that he at
once went out into the world to seek enlightenment
concerning the sorrows he had witnessed.
He wandered for seven years and finally sat
down under a peepal tree, where he vowed to stay
chanced upon
came across by
chance
enlightenment
a state of high
spiritual knowledge
Reprint 2024-25
112
First Flight
until enlightenment came. Enlightened after seven
days, he renamed the tree the Bodhi Tree (Tree of
Wisdom) and began to teach and to share his new
understandings. At that point he became known as
the Buddha (the Awakened or the Enlightened). The
Buddha preached his first sermon at the city of
Benares, most holy of the dipping places on the River
Ganges; that sermon has been preserved and is given
here. It reflects the Buddha’s wisdom about one
inscrutable kind of suffering.
Kisa Gotami had an only son, and he died. In her grief
she carried the dead child to all her neighbours, asking
them for medicine, and the people said, “She has lost
her senses. The boy is dead.”
At length, Kisa Gotami met a man who replied to her
request, “I cannot give thee medicine for thy child, but I
know a physician who can.”
And the girl said, “Pray tell me, sir; who is it?” And
the man replied, "Go to Sakyamuni, the Buddha.”
Kisa Gotami repaired to the Buddha and cried, “Lord
and Master, give me the medicine that will cure my boy.”
The Buddha answered, “I want a handful of mustard-
seed.” And  when the girl in her joy  promised to procure
it, the Buddha added, “The mustard-seed must be taken
from a  house where no one has lost a child, husband,
parent or friend.”
Poor Kisa Gotami now went from house to house,
and the people pitied her and said, “Here is mustard-
seed; take it!” But when she asked, “Did a son or
daughter, a father or mother, die in your family?” they
answered her, “Alas! the living are few, but the dead are
many. Do not remind us of our deepest grief.” And there
was no house but some beloved one had died in it.
Kisa Gotami became weary and hopeless, and sat
down at the wayside watching the lights of the city, as
they flickered up and were extinguished again. At last
the darkness of the night reigned everywhere. And she
considered the fate of men, that their lives flicker up
and are extinguished again. And she thought to herself,
“How selfish am I in my grief! Death is common to all;
yet in this valley of desolation there is a path that leads
him to immortality who has surrendered all selfishness.”
The Buddha said, ‘‘The life of mortals in this world
is troubled and brief and combined with pain. For there
sermon
religious or moral
talk
dipping places
bathing
inscrutable
something which
cannot be
understood
repaired (a stylistic
use) went to
valley of
desolation
an area which is filled
with deep sorrow
mortals
those bound to die
Reprint 2024-25
113
The Sermon at Benares
is not any means by which those that have been born
can avoid dying; after reaching old age there is death; of
such a nature are living beings. As ripe fruits are early
in danger of falling, so mortals when born are always in
danger of death. As all earthen vessels made by the
potter end in being broken, so is the life of mortals. Both
young and adult, both those who are fools and those
who are wise, all fall into the power of death; all are
subject to death.
“Of those who, overcome by death, depart from life,
a father cannot save his son, nor kinsmen their relations.
Mark! while relatives are looking on and lamenting
deeply, one by one mortals are carried off, like an ox
that is led to the slaughter. So the world is afflicted  with
death and decay, therefore the wise do not grieve,
knowing the terms of the world.
“Not from weeping nor from grieving will anyone
obtain peace of mind; on the contrary, his pain will be
the greater and his body will suffer. He will make himself
sick and pale, yet the dead are not saved by his
lamentation. He who seeks peace should draw out the
arrow of lamentation, and complaint, and grief. He who
has drawn out the arrow and has become composed
will obtain peace of mind; he who has overcome all
sorrow will become free from sorrow, and be blessed.”
[Source: Betty Renshaw
Values and Voices: A College Reader (1975)]
afflicted with
affected by suffering,
disease or pain
lamentation
expression of sorrow
1. When her son dies, Kisa Gotami goes from house to house. What does she
ask for? Does she get it? Why not?
2. Kisa Gotami again goes from house to house after she speaks with the
Buddha. What does she ask for, the second time around? Does she get it?
Why not?
3. What does Kisa Gotami understand the second time that she failed to
understand the first time? Was this what the Buddha wanted her to
understand?
4. Why do you think Kisa Gotami understood this only the second time? In
what way did the Buddha change her understanding?
5. How do you usually understand the idea of ‘selfishness’? Do you agree with
Kisa Gotami that she was being ‘selfish in her grief ’?
Reprint 2024-25
114
First Flight
I. This text is written in an old-fashioned style, for it reports an incident
more than two millennia old. Look for the following words and phrases
in the text, and try to rephrase them in more current language, based
on how you understand them.
• give thee medicine for thy child
• Pray tell me
• Kisa repaired to the Buddha
• there was no house but someone had died in it
• kinsmen
• Mark!
II. You know that we can combine sentences using words like and, or, but, yet
and then. But sometimes no such word seems appropriate. In such a case
we can use a semicolon (;) or a dash (—) to combine two clauses.
She has no interest in music; I doubt she will become a singer like
her mother.
The second clause here gives the speaker’s opinion on the first clause.
Here is a sentence from the text that uses semicolons to combine
clauses. Break up the sentence into three simple sentences. Can you
then say which has a better rhythm when you read it, the single sentence
using semicolons, or the three simple sentences?
For there is not any means by which those who have been born can avoid
dying; after reaching old age there is death; of such a nature are living beings.
The Buddha’s sermon is over 2500 years old. Given below are two recent texts
on the topic of grief. Read the texts, comparing them with each other and with
the Buddha’s sermon. Do you think the Buddha’s ideas and way of teaching
continue to hold meaning for us? Or have we found better ways to deal with
grief? Discuss this in groups or in class.
I. A Guide to Coping with the Death
of a Loved One
Martha is having difficulty sleeping lately and no longer enjoys doing things
with her friends. Martha lost her husband of 26 years to cancer a month ago.
Anya, age 17, doesn’t feel like eating and spends the days in her room
crying. Her grandmother recently died.
Both of these individuals are experiencing grief. Grief is an emotion
natural to all types of loss or significant change.
Reprint 2024-25
Page 5


BEFORE YOU READ
Activity
Use a dictionary or ask for your teacher’s help as you discuss
the following questions in groups.
1. What is a sermon? Is it different from a lecture or a talk? Can
this word also be used in a negative way or as a joke (as in
“my mother’s sermon about getting my work done on time…”)?
2. Find out the meanings of the words and phrases given in
the box.
afflicted with be composed desolation
lamentation procure be subject to
3. Have you heard of the Sermon on the Mount? Who delivered
it?  Who do you think delivered a sermon at Benares?
GAUTAMA Buddha (563 B.C.– 483 B.C.) began life as a
prince named Siddhartha Gautama, in northern
India. At twelve, he was sent away for schooling in
the Hindu sacred scriptures and four years later he
returned home to marry a princess. They had a son
and lived for ten years as befitted royalty. At about
the age of twenty-five, the Prince, heretofore shielded
from the sufferings of the world, while out hunting
chanced upon a sick man, then an aged man, then
a funeral procession, and finally a monk begging
for alms. These sights so moved him that he at
once went out into the world to seek enlightenment
concerning the sorrows he had witnessed.
He wandered for seven years and finally sat
down under a peepal tree, where he vowed to stay
chanced upon
came across by
chance
enlightenment
a state of high
spiritual knowledge
Reprint 2024-25
112
First Flight
until enlightenment came. Enlightened after seven
days, he renamed the tree the Bodhi Tree (Tree of
Wisdom) and began to teach and to share his new
understandings. At that point he became known as
the Buddha (the Awakened or the Enlightened). The
Buddha preached his first sermon at the city of
Benares, most holy of the dipping places on the River
Ganges; that sermon has been preserved and is given
here. It reflects the Buddha’s wisdom about one
inscrutable kind of suffering.
Kisa Gotami had an only son, and he died. In her grief
she carried the dead child to all her neighbours, asking
them for medicine, and the people said, “She has lost
her senses. The boy is dead.”
At length, Kisa Gotami met a man who replied to her
request, “I cannot give thee medicine for thy child, but I
know a physician who can.”
And the girl said, “Pray tell me, sir; who is it?” And
the man replied, "Go to Sakyamuni, the Buddha.”
Kisa Gotami repaired to the Buddha and cried, “Lord
and Master, give me the medicine that will cure my boy.”
The Buddha answered, “I want a handful of mustard-
seed.” And  when the girl in her joy  promised to procure
it, the Buddha added, “The mustard-seed must be taken
from a  house where no one has lost a child, husband,
parent or friend.”
Poor Kisa Gotami now went from house to house,
and the people pitied her and said, “Here is mustard-
seed; take it!” But when she asked, “Did a son or
daughter, a father or mother, die in your family?” they
answered her, “Alas! the living are few, but the dead are
many. Do not remind us of our deepest grief.” And there
was no house but some beloved one had died in it.
Kisa Gotami became weary and hopeless, and sat
down at the wayside watching the lights of the city, as
they flickered up and were extinguished again. At last
the darkness of the night reigned everywhere. And she
considered the fate of men, that their lives flicker up
and are extinguished again. And she thought to herself,
“How selfish am I in my grief! Death is common to all;
yet in this valley of desolation there is a path that leads
him to immortality who has surrendered all selfishness.”
The Buddha said, ‘‘The life of mortals in this world
is troubled and brief and combined with pain. For there
sermon
religious or moral
talk
dipping places
bathing
inscrutable
something which
cannot be
understood
repaired (a stylistic
use) went to
valley of
desolation
an area which is filled
with deep sorrow
mortals
those bound to die
Reprint 2024-25
113
The Sermon at Benares
is not any means by which those that have been born
can avoid dying; after reaching old age there is death; of
such a nature are living beings. As ripe fruits are early
in danger of falling, so mortals when born are always in
danger of death. As all earthen vessels made by the
potter end in being broken, so is the life of mortals. Both
young and adult, both those who are fools and those
who are wise, all fall into the power of death; all are
subject to death.
“Of those who, overcome by death, depart from life,
a father cannot save his son, nor kinsmen their relations.
Mark! while relatives are looking on and lamenting
deeply, one by one mortals are carried off, like an ox
that is led to the slaughter. So the world is afflicted  with
death and decay, therefore the wise do not grieve,
knowing the terms of the world.
“Not from weeping nor from grieving will anyone
obtain peace of mind; on the contrary, his pain will be
the greater and his body will suffer. He will make himself
sick and pale, yet the dead are not saved by his
lamentation. He who seeks peace should draw out the
arrow of lamentation, and complaint, and grief. He who
has drawn out the arrow and has become composed
will obtain peace of mind; he who has overcome all
sorrow will become free from sorrow, and be blessed.”
[Source: Betty Renshaw
Values and Voices: A College Reader (1975)]
afflicted with
affected by suffering,
disease or pain
lamentation
expression of sorrow
1. When her son dies, Kisa Gotami goes from house to house. What does she
ask for? Does she get it? Why not?
2. Kisa Gotami again goes from house to house after she speaks with the
Buddha. What does she ask for, the second time around? Does she get it?
Why not?
3. What does Kisa Gotami understand the second time that she failed to
understand the first time? Was this what the Buddha wanted her to
understand?
4. Why do you think Kisa Gotami understood this only the second time? In
what way did the Buddha change her understanding?
5. How do you usually understand the idea of ‘selfishness’? Do you agree with
Kisa Gotami that she was being ‘selfish in her grief ’?
Reprint 2024-25
114
First Flight
I. This text is written in an old-fashioned style, for it reports an incident
more than two millennia old. Look for the following words and phrases
in the text, and try to rephrase them in more current language, based
on how you understand them.
• give thee medicine for thy child
• Pray tell me
• Kisa repaired to the Buddha
• there was no house but someone had died in it
• kinsmen
• Mark!
II. You know that we can combine sentences using words like and, or, but, yet
and then. But sometimes no such word seems appropriate. In such a case
we can use a semicolon (;) or a dash (—) to combine two clauses.
She has no interest in music; I doubt she will become a singer like
her mother.
The second clause here gives the speaker’s opinion on the first clause.
Here is a sentence from the text that uses semicolons to combine
clauses. Break up the sentence into three simple sentences. Can you
then say which has a better rhythm when you read it, the single sentence
using semicolons, or the three simple sentences?
For there is not any means by which those who have been born can avoid
dying; after reaching old age there is death; of such a nature are living beings.
The Buddha’s sermon is over 2500 years old. Given below are two recent texts
on the topic of grief. Read the texts, comparing them with each other and with
the Buddha’s sermon. Do you think the Buddha’s ideas and way of teaching
continue to hold meaning for us? Or have we found better ways to deal with
grief? Discuss this in groups or in class.
I. A Guide to Coping with the Death
of a Loved One
Martha is having difficulty sleeping lately and no longer enjoys doing things
with her friends. Martha lost her husband of 26 years to cancer a month ago.
Anya, age 17, doesn’t feel like eating and spends the days in her room
crying. Her grandmother recently died.
Both of these individuals are experiencing grief. Grief is an emotion
natural to all types of loss or significant change.
Reprint 2024-25
115
The Sermon at Benares
Feelings of Grief
Although grief is unique and personal, a broad range of feelings and
behaviours are commonly experienced after the death of a loved one.
• Sadness. This is the most common, and it is not necessarily manifested
by crying.
• Anger. This is one of the most confusing feelings for a survivor. There
may be frustration at not being able to prevent the death, and a sense
of not being able to exist without the loved one.
• Guilt and Self-reproach. People may believe that they were not kind
enough or caring enough to the person who died, or that the person
should have seen the doctor sooner.
• Anxiety. An individual may fear that she/he won’t be able to care for
herself/himself.
• Loneliness. There are reminders throughout the day that a partner,
family member or friend is gone. For example, meals are no longer
prepared the same way, phone calls to share a special moment don’t
happen.
• Fatigue. There is an overall sense of feeling tired.
• Disbelief: This occurs particularly if it was a sudden death.
Helping Others Who Are Experiencing Grief
When a friend, loved one, or co-worker is experiencing grief—how can we
help? It helps to understand that grief is expressed through a variety of
behaviours.
Reach out to others in their grief, but understand that some may not
want to accept help and will not share their grief. Others will want to
talk about their thoughts and feelings or reminisce.
Be patient and let the grieving person know that you care and are
there to support him or her.
II. Good Grief
AMITAI ETZIONI
Soon after my wife died — her car slid off an icy road in 1985 — a school
psychologist warned me that my children and I were not mourning in the
right way. We felt angry; the proper first stage, he said, is denial.
In late August this year, my 38-year-old son, Michael, died suddenly in his
sleep, leaving behind a 2-year-old son and a wife expecting their next child.
There is no set form for grief, and no ‘right’ way to express it. There
seems to be an expectation that, after a great loss, we will progress
systematically through the well-known stages of grief. It is wrong, we are
told, to jump to anger — or to wallow too long in this stage before moving
towards acceptance.
Reprint 2024-25