Chapter 6 - How The World Sees You? (Charisma, Day 4) Part -1 | Begin with “I” by Rohit Sethi - Self Help Learning PDF Download

“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.” ~ Oscar Wilde

The morning rituals seem to have been streamlined with Ron getting up without snooze. On the bathroom mirror, in addition to his self-image reminder sheet, Ron has the list of new beliefs that he has decided to bring into his life. Ron+ has told him to say these beliefs out loud during his shower. Shower time is quite important to condition the mind as one tends to be quite relaxed, making the mind more open to suggestion. Saying new beliefs as auto-suggestions in the morning helps fix them in one’s psychology. Ron has also started giving a better breakfast to his body.
The car pool is streamlined. Since there were only three guys and with one deciding to interrupt the usual pattern and replace it with more constructive one, there is not much the other two can do. Ron, for the first time, decides to discuss the book that he has been reading and how he realizes from reading it, that instead of focusing on discussing things beyond his control, he should try to focus on what he can improve within himself.
At office, Ron walks into the pantry, makes green tea and as expected, there is huge resistance from the peers, asking how come he could leave coffee, especially since he loved it so much. He takes this opportunity to announce to his colleagues that he wants to cut down on coffee and would like to solicit their support to do that. He requests them to remind him how great a degree of self-control he is already exhibiting by being able to quit it so far, each time he says he wants to have coffee. He asks them for their support as he should not break his resolve before the targeted fifteen days. 

The peer group agrees. This strategy works as people feel responsible when they are assigned the responsibility.

 Ron’s way of working is also increasingly streamlined, as he tries to remain focused at work. Ron gets back home, runs, dines and gets ready for the session. “Ron, the third element within Individuality is Charisma. In simplest terms, it is how the world sees you. Let’s talk about it.”

Principle 1: Charisma is the most powerful tool of persuasion and influence

“To emphasize its importance, I can tell you this – If there was just one skill you could master out of all the tools of persuasion and influence, it would be Charisma.”

“Most times, people do not get what they want because they keep dreaming about things without taking action. They aspire for things without being willing to pay the price for them. People expect to get exceptional opportunities without making themselves exceptional. What they do not realize is that if they can become exceptional, those opportunities will naturally come their way. Their fundamental philosophy in life has been ‘have-be’, that is, they always had a ‘having-before-becoming’ mentality. What they do not realize is that life doesn’t work like that. Life tends to work on ‘be-have’ principle, that is, ‘becoming-before-having’. Be exceptional first and then attract the exceptional things naturally. Like the saying goes, ‘How do you paint a perfect picture? Be perfect first and then paint normally!’”

“People expect to get exceptional opportunities without really making themselves exceptional.”

“Ron, as we discussed couple of days ago, people generally tend to like two kinds of people:

1.  People who are related to them in some way or people who share similar interests – so they feel ‘comfortable or at home’ in their company
2.  People who they aspire to be like, who inspire them and they view them as role models – so they feel ‘awed’ in their company”

“Charisma is more about the latter where you become someone who inspires other people to see the best within themselves. All great leaders such as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King are cited as examples for charismatic role models even today.”

“If you ask me to point to the single most key ability of charismatic people, it would be their ability to develop quick rapport with others. To put it in simplest terms, rapport can be defined as ‘understanding + trust’. When you are able to establish rapport with someone, you reach a stage where they feel fully understood and they place their trust in you. True rapport, comes from a place of absolute authenticity. You might think you can fake it, but you cannot. Maybe you can for a short time, but not for long. There is a sixth sense in humans that makes us sense the authenticity in others. We might not always be able to pinpoint it or express it in words, but deep down, we ‘know’. Deep down there, is where rapport is built.”

“To be authentically charismatic, it is important to feel ‘congruent’ within. ‘Congruence’ is a language that we might not understand consciously, but are looking for in our subconscious mind at all times. True congruence between our verbal and non-verbal language comes from full alignment with what we stand for, the ideas we believe in and why we do what we do. It is not easy to get to this place as it requires one to progress along areas of ‘Self-image’ and ‘Beliefs’, that we have already covered and along areas such as ‘Passion’ and ‘Vision and Goals’ that we will cover in the coming days.”

Principle 2: Charisma is the sum total of multiple items, all of which can be worked upon

“Authenticity is a key component in charisma. But, it will take a while to get there. As you become aware of these principles, start working on them. With time, you will experience more alignment within and feel more congruent on what you want from your life and what direction you want to give it.”

“In addition to this, we live in a world with set norms and expectations, both around personal and professional lives. Especially now that the world is becoming more interconnected, it is crucial to practise these norms so they come naturally to us. From this perspective, Charisma is really the sum total of a lot of aspects, both internal and external, all of which can be worked upon. I am covering the main aspects:

Dressing style

• Dress elegant
• Research indicates that our clothes can account for ~95% of our first impression on others. Remember that the first impressions are almost always visual
• Shop for quality, and not quantity
• In addition to lasting longer, high-quality stuff makes one feel more comfortable and better about oneself and people around will be able to see your higher quality standards

Communication

• Become passionately interested in other people

1. With this one skill, you can win some real friends and strong business associates

• Ask and remember names

1. Names are magical words to people and they instantly tend to like people who remember their names

• Be respectful and considerate at all times

1. Irrespective of how people are to you, choose to be respectful and considerate at all times
2. Your behavior shows your standards, not the standards of people you are talking to

• Develop listening skills

1. People appreciate being listened to. You can create strong rapport with people if you can just hear them out patiently

• Refine your non-verbal communication

1. It is widely established that words communicate only 7% of our message with remaining 38% coming from our intonation and 55% coming from body language

Mannerisms

 Increase awareness

•  Refined etiquette works way better than a crude style in establishing rapport, especially with increasing globalization where it is critical to be aware and sensitive of cultural nuances

 Develop a genuine smile

• Smile is one of the most powerful expressions and a genuine one can light up a room

 Be punctual

• In both personal and professional lives, a super effective way to sincerely compliment others is to show them that you respect their time

Attitude

  Develop an optimistic attitude

• Choosing to look at positive side of things and expecting favorable outcomes, not only makes other people want to spend time with you, but also reduces your stress levels in general

Professionalism

 Do more than you get paid for

• The simplest way to invest in your career is to deliver more than you get paid for
• Just this one thing will ensure that you learn more and gain credibility with more people

Under-promise over-deliver

• Be it personal or professional context, people get delighted when they receive more than they expect

“If there is one overarching philosophy that you can keep in mind at all times so far as charisma is concerned, it would be this: You are a brand! Each time people think or hear about you, they visualize certain pictures and those pictures then evoke certain feelings within them.”

“If there is one overarching philosophy that you can keep in your mind at all times so far as charisma is concerned, it would be this: You are a brand!”

“Starting to improve one’s charisma is an exciting and rewarding journey in itself. The toughest part is starting, but if you can do that, you build momentum and don’t want to stop! Remember Rumi’s advice, ‘If you feel irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?’”

“Also, remember that working on external elements alone seldom works. Even if it seems to work initially, the results will not last. For a real transformation to take place, both inside and outside need to go to the next level. Start from the internal, and then the external, and then, they reinforce each other!” 

Figure 25: The transformation process: Reinforcement between internal and external

Principle 3: Extraordinary is a journey, not a destination

“The third principle in Charisma highlights how it is a long journey and that there is no end to how much one can improve. On your way, as you keep improving, you will naturally inspire others to take you as a role model. This can be one of the ways in which you contribute and share your learnings with others by making things simpler for them with your experience.”

“That’s interesting! What do you suggest I do?”

“Look at your life and really make it a point to become extraordinary. Look at everything in your life and ask yourself, ‘What would be an ordinary response to this situation?’. This is easy. These are the responses that the untrained mind throws by default. Now, decide to do something that is slightly better than that response. Even a one percent improvement in everything you do, can give you a massive leap over time. Remember that even at ninety nine degree Celsius, water is still water. It is just that one last degree that transforms water into steam, strong enough to pull engines.”

“Even at ninety nine degree Celsius, water is still water. It is just that one last degree that transforms water into steam, strong enough to pull engines.”

“I can give you three of my personal favorites among the small changes that made a big difference to my life:

1.  At work, I make sure to check the document, presentation or email one last time before sharing it with others. Try this and trust me, you will almost always find at least one thing to be fixed!
2.  At outings, I tip slightly more than average that leaves people delighted. It brings two benefits (i) they remember you next time you visit (ii) the extra tip will not make you poor, but rather, the increased positivity you create in the universe through the delight, will come back to you!
3. I carry books in my smartphone and tablet and read during ‘waiting’ times, that is, idle time when I am waiting for something or someone or time during travel e.g. in a taxi, metro etc. Over time, 

I end up reading many books without even having to budget time for them!”

“This is just a start. You can come up with more of these small changes that are applicable to your specific context. Ron, focus on building the lifestyle of a successful person. Develop finer tastes, choose a calm and graceful disposition, refine your communication and cultivate a mindset of abundance. It is not enough to be yourself. You need to be your best self. As I already said, there is no end to this process. The best among us are not really more gifted than others. They just take more pains to stand their course even when they don’t feel like it. The habit of giving in when you don’t feel like it kills the possibility of extraordinary achievement.”

“Focus on building the lifestyle of a successful person. Develop finer tastes, choose a calm and graceful disposition, refine your communication and cultivate a mindset of abundance.”

“Ron, do you know how a genius is created?”

“Umm not really, tell me!”

“You start by learning the rules. You are diligent in practising them over and over for years. Once the rules are fully internalized, you start to break them. This is when your individuality starts to surface and you start to do things your own way. This is when you enhance the craft by producing ‘originals’. As Miles Davis, Jr. said, ‘Sometimes you have to play for a long time to be able to play like yourself ’. The most key component here is discipline. We will talk about how one can introduce more discipline in one’s life in the coming days.”