Think Fast; Talk Smart: Communication Techniques Video Lecture | Understanding the art of Public Speaking: Become a better speaker - Self Help Learning

[Music]
welcome I'm very excited today to talk
about effective speaking in spontaneous
situations I thank you all for joining
us even though the title of my talk is
grammatically incorrect I thought that
might scare a few of you away but I
learned teaching here at the Business
School catching people's attention is
hard so something as simple as that I
thought might draw a few of you here so
this is going to be a highly interactive
and participative workshop today if you
don't feel comfortable participating
that's completely fine but do know I'm
gonna ask you to talk to people next to
you there'll be opportunities to stand
up and practice some things because I
believe the way we become effective
communicators is by actually
communicating so let's get started right
away I'd like to ask you all to read
this sentence and as you read this
sentence what's most important to me is
that you count the number of F's that
you find in this sentence please count
the number of F's keep it quiet to
yourself give you just another couple
seconds here three two one raise your
hand please if you found three and only
three F's excellent great did anybody
find four okay anybody find only five
F's and anybody finds six there's six
f's
what two letter word ending an F did
many of us miss Oh we'll make sure to
get this to you so you can torment your
friends and family at a later date when
I first was exposed to this over 12
years ago I only found three and I felt
really stupid so I like to start every
workshop every class I teach with this
to pass that feeling I want no no that's
not that's not why I do this I do this
because this is a perfect analogy for
what we're going to be talking about
today the vast majority of us in this
room very smart people in this room were
not as effective as we could have been
in this activity we didn't get it right
and the same is true when it comes to
speaking in public particular
when spontaneous speaking it's little
things that make a big difference in
being effective so today we're going to
talk about little things in terms of
your approach your attitude your
practice that can change how you feel
when you speak in public and we're gonna
be talking primarily about one type of
public speaking not the type that you
plan for in advance the type that you
actually spend time thinking about you
might even create slides for these are
the keynotes the conference presentation
the formal toasts that's not what we're
talking about today we're talking about
spontaneous speaking when you're in a
situation that you're asked to speak off
the cuff and in the moment what we're
going through today is actually the
result of a workshop I created here for
the business school
several years ago a survey was taken
among the students and they said what's
one of the what are things we could do
to help make you more successful here
and at the top of that list was this
notion of responding to cold calls
does everybody know what a cold call is
it's where the mean professor like me
looks at some student says what do you
think and there was a lot of panic and a
lot of silence so as a result of that
this workshop was created in a vast
majority of first-year students here at
the GSB go through this workshop so I'm
gonna walk you through sort of a hybrid
version of what they do the reality is
that spontaneous speaking is actually
more prevalent than planned speaking
perhaps it's giving introductions you're
at a dinner and somebody says you know
so-and-so would you mind introducing
them maybe it's giving feedback in the
moment your boss turns you and says
would you tell me what you think it
could be a surprise toast or finally it
could be during the Q&A session and by
the way we will leave plenty of time at
the end of our day today for QA I'd love
to hear the questions you have about
this topic or other topics related to
communicating so our agenda is simple in
order to be an effective communicator
regardless of if it's planned or
spontaneous you need to have your
anxiety under control so we'll start
there second what we're going to talk
about is some ground rules for the
interact
we'll have today and then finally we're
going to get into the heart of what we
will be covering again as I said lots of
activity and I invite you to participate
so let's get started with anxiety
management 85% of people tell us that
they're nervous when speaking in public
and I think the other 15% are lying
hey we could create a situation where we
could make them nervous too
in fact just this past week a study from
Chapman University asked Americans what
are the things you fear most
and among being caught in a surprise
terrorist attack having identity your
identity stolen was public speaking
among the top five was speaking in front
of others this is a ubiquitous fear and
one that I believe we can learn to
manage and I use that word managed very
carefully because I don't think we ever
want to overcome it anxiety actually
helps us it gives us energy helps us
focus tells us what we're doing is
important but we want to learn to manage
it so I'd like to introduce you to a few
techniques that can work and all of
these techniques are based on academic
research but before we get there I'd
love to ask you what does it feel like
when you're sitting in the audience
watching a nervous speaker present how
do you feel just shout out a few things
how do you feel uncomfortable I heard
many of you going yes uncomfortable it
feels very awkward doesn't it so what do
we do now a couple of you probably like
watching somebody suffer okay but most
of us don't so what do we do we sit
there and we nod and we smile or we
disengage into the nervous speaker
looking out at his or her audience
seeing a bunch of people nodding or
disengaged that does not help okay so we
need to learn to manage our anxiety
because fundamentally your job as a
communicator rather regardless of if
it's planned or spontaneous is to make
your audience comfortable because if
they're comfortable they can receive
your message and when I say comfortable
I am NOT referring to the fact that that
your message has to be sugar-coated and
nice and for them to hear it can be a
harsh message but they have to be in a
place where they can receive it so it's
incumbent on you as a communicator to
help your audience feel comfortable and
we do
by managing our anxiety so let me
introduce you to a few techniques that I
think you can use right away to help you
feel more comfortable the first has to
do with when you begin to feel those
anxiety symptoms for most people this
happens then the initial minutes prior
to speaking in this situation what
happens as many of us begin to feel
whatever it is that happens to you maybe
your stomach gets a little gurgly maybe
your legs begin to shake maybe you begin
to perspire and then we start to say to
ourselves oh my goodness I'm nervous oh
oh they're gonna tell I'm nervous this
is not going to go well and we start
spiraling out of control so research ion
mindful attention tells us that if when
we begin to feel those anxiety symptoms
we simply greet our anxiety and say hey
this is me feeling nervous
I'm about to do something of consequence
in simply by greeting your anxiety and
acknowledging it that it's normal and
natural heck 85% of people tell us they
have it you actually can stem the tide
of that anxiety spiraling out of control
it's not necessarily going to reduce the
anxiety but it will stop it from
spinning up so the next time you begin
to feel those exhibit anxiety signs take
a deep breath and say this is me feeling
anxious I notice a few of you taking
some notes there's a handout that will
come at the end that has everything that
I'm supposed to say okay can't guarantee
I'm gonna say it but I you'll have it
there in addition to this approach a
technique that works very well and this
is a technique that I help do some
research on way back when I was in
graduate school has to do with reframing
how you see the speaking situation most
of us when we are up presenting planned
or spontaneous we feel that we have to
do it right and we feel like we are
performing how many of you have ever
acted done singing or dancing I'm not
gonna ask for performances no okay many
of you have we should note that we could
do next year maybe a talent show of
alums it looks like we got the talent
there that's great so when you perform
you know that there's a right way and a
wrong way to do it if you don't hit your
the right note or your right
line at the right time at the right
place you've made a mistake it messes up
the audience it messes up the people on
stage but when you present there is no
right way there certainly better in
worse ways but there is no one right way
so we need to look at presenting as
something other than performance and
what I'd like to suggest is what we need
to see this as is a conversation right
now I'm having a conversation with a
hundred plus people rather than saying
I'm performing for you but it's not
enough just to say this is a
conversation I want to give you some
concrete things you can do first start
with questions questions by their very
nature are dialogic they're two-way what
was one of the very first things I did
here for you I had you count the number
of F's and raise your hands I asked you
a question that gets your audience
involved it makes it feel to me as the
presenter as if we are in conversation
so use questions they can be rhetorical
they can be polling perhaps I actually
want to hear information from you in
fact I use questions when I create an
outline for my presentations rather than
writing bullet points I list questions
that I'm going to answer and that puts
me in that conversational mode if you
were to look at my notes for today's
talk you'll see it's just a series of
questions right now I'm answering the
question how do we manage our anxiety
beyond questions another very useful
technique for making us conversational
is to use conversational language many
nervous speakers distance themselves
physically if you've ever seen a nervous
speaker present he or she will say
something like this welcome I am really
excited to be here with you they pull as
far away from you as possible because
you threaten us
speakers you make us nervous so we want
to get away from you we do the same
thing linguistically we use language
that distances ourselves it's not
unusual to hear a nervous speaker say
something like one must consider the
ramifications or today we're going to
cover step 1 step 2 step 3 that's very
distancing language to be more
conversational use conversational
language instead of one must consider
say this is important to you we all need
to be concerned with do you hear that
inclusive conversational language has to
do with the pronouns instead of step 1
step 2 step 3 first what we need to do
is this the second thing you should
consider is here use conversational
language so being conversational can
also help you manage your anxiety the
third technique I'd like to share is
research that I actually started when I
was an undergraduate here I was very
fortunate to study with Phil Zimbardo of
the Stanford Prison Experiment Fame many
people don't know that Zim actually was
instrumental in starting one of the very
first shyness Institute's in the world
and especially in the country and I did
some research with him that looked at
how your orientation to time influences
how you react and what we learned is if
you can bring yourself into the present
moment rather than being worried about
the future consequences you can actually
be less nervous most of us when we
present are worried about the future
consequences my students are worried
they're not going to get the right grade
some of you are worried you might not
get the funding you might not get the
support you might not get the laughs
that you want all of those are future
states so if we can bring ourselves into
the present moment we're not going to be
as concerned about those future states
and therefore we'll be less nervous
there are lots of ways to become present
oriented I know a professional speaker
he's paid $10,000 an hour to speak it's
a good gig he gets very nervous he's up
in front of crowds of thousands behind
the stage what he does is a hundred
push-ups right before he comes out you
can't be that physically active and not
be in the present moment now I'm not
recommending all of us go to that level
of exertion because he starts out of
breath and sweaty right but a walk
around the building before you speak
that can do it there are other ways if
you've ever watched athletes perform and
get ready to do their event they listen
to music they focus on a song or a
playlist that helps get them in the
moment you can do things as simple as
counting backwards from a hundred by
tough numbers like seventeen I'm gonna
pause because
people in the room are trying yeah gets
hard after that third or fourth one I
know my favorite way to get
present-oriented
is to say tongue twisters saying a
tongue twister forces you to be in the
moment otherwise you'll say it wrong and
it has the added benefit of warming up
your voice most nervous speakers don't
warm up their voice they retreat inside
themselves and start saying all these
bad things to themselves so saying a
tongue twister can help you be both
present-oriented and warm up your voice
remember I said today we're gonna have a
lot of participation I'm gonna ask you
to repeat after me my favorite tongue
twister and I like this tongue twister
because if you say it wrong you say a
naughty word and I'm gonna be listening
to see if I hear any naughty words this
morning okay repeat after me it's only
three phrases I slit a sheet a sheet I
slit and on that slitted sheet I sit oh
very good no shits excellent very good
now in that moment in that moment you
weren't worried about I'm in front of
all these people this is weird this
guy's having me do that you were so
focused on saying it right and trying to
figure out what the naughty word was
that you were in the present moment
that's how easy it is so it's very
possible for us to manage our anxiety we
can do it initially by greeting the
anxiety when we begin to feel those
signs we can do it when we reframe the
situation as a conversation and we do it
when we become present-oriented
those are three of many tools that exist
to help you manage your anxiety if you
have questions about other ways I'm
happy to chat with you and at the end
I'm going to point you to some resources
that you can refer to to help you find
additional sources for you so let's get
started on the core part of what we're
doing today which is how to feel more
comfortable speaking in spontaneous
situations some very simple ground rules
for you first I'm going to identify four
steps that I believe are critical to
becoming effective its speaking in a
spontaneous situation
with each of those steps I'm going to
ask you to participate in an activity
none of them are more painful than
saying the tongue twister out loud they
may require you to stand up they might
require you to talk to the person next
to you but none of them are painful and
then finally I'm going to conclude with
a phrase or saying that comes from the
wonderful world of improvisation through
the continuing Studies program here at
Stanford for the past five years I have
Co taught a class with Adam Tobin he is
a lecturer in the creative arts
department he teaches film and new media
and he's an expert at improv and we've
partnered together to help people learn
how to speak more spontaneously we call
it improvisational e speaking and adam
has taught me wonderful phrases and
ideas from improv that I want to impart
to you they're really stick that's why
I'm sharing them with you to help you
remember these techniques and again at
the end of all this you'll get a handout
that has this listing so let's get
started the very first thing that gets
in people's way when it comes to
spontaneous speaking is themselves we
get in our own way we want to be perfect
we want to give the right answer we want
our toasts to be incredibly memorable
these things are burdened by our effort
by our trying the best thing we can do
the first step in our process is to get
ourselves out of the way easier said
than done most of us in this room are in
this room because we are type-a
personalities we work hard we think fast
we make sure that we get things right
but that can actually serve as a
disservice as we try to speak in the
moment I'd like to demonstrate a little
of this for you and I need your help to
do that
so we're going to do our first activity
we are going to do an activity that's
called shout the wrong name in a moment
if you are able and willing I'm going to
ask you to stand and I'm going to ask
you for about 30 seconds to look all
around you in this environment and you
are going to point at different things
and I know it's rude to point but for
this exercise please point I want you to
point to things and you are going to
call the things you are pointing to out
anything but what they really are so I
might point to this and say refrigerator
I might be point to this and say cat I
am pointing to anything in your
environment around you can be the person
sitting next to you standing next to you
you will just shout and shouting is
important the wrong name so in a moment
I'm gonna ask you to stand and do that
please raise your hand if you already
have the first five or six things you're
going to call out yeah that's what I'm
talking about
we stock pile you all are excellent game
players I told you the game shout the
wrong name and you have already begun
figuring out how you're going to master
the game that's your brain trying to
help you get it right I'd like to
suggest the only way you can get this
activity wrong is by doing what you've
just done there is no way to get this
wrong okay even if I call this a chair
no penalty will be bestowed upon you
okay because I won't know what you are
pointing at you could have been pointing
at the floor under the chair and you
called the floor the chair and you were
fine the point is we are planning and
working to get it right and there is no
way to get it right just doing it gets
it right okay so let's try this now
we're gonna play this game twice again
it's for thirty seconds if you are
willing and able will you please stand
up you can do this seated by the way but
if you're willing and able let's stand
up okay in a moment I am about to say go
and I would like for you to point at
anything around here including me it's
okay to point at me I hope it's not a
bad thing you say when you point at me
but point at different things and loudly
and proudly call them different than
what they are ready begin porcupine
California saltshaker car library tennis
racket purple orange putrid hello time
time lets you can stay standing cuz in
the mere moments we're going to do it
again so if you're comfortable standing
we're about to do it again
first thank you that was wonderful I
heard great words being called out it
was it was fun and some of you in the
back we're doing it in sync so it looked
like you were doing some 70s disco dance
it was awesome okay this this was great
now let me ask you just a few questions
did you notice anything about the words
that you were saying
did we find patterns perhaps maybe some
of you are going through fruits and
vegetables a few of you were going
through things that started with the
letter A right that's your brain saying
okay you told me not to stockpile so I'm
gonna try to be a little more devious
and I'm gonna give you patterns okay
same problem when we teach that class I
told you about that improvisational
speaking class we'd like to say your
brain is there to help you these things
it's doing have helped you be successful
but like a windshield wiper we just want
to wipe those suggestions away and see
what happens okay so we're going to do
this activity again this time try the
best you can to thank your brain if it
provides you with patterns or stockpiles
and just say thank you brain and
disregard them okay so let's see what
happens when we're not stockpiling and
we're not playing off patterns will do
this for only 15 seconds see how this
feels baby steps ready begin Kodak
bicycle chain skateboard bananas purple
[Applause]
putrid
time please have a seat
thank you again did you notice a
difference between the second time in
the first time yes was it a little
easier that second time no that's okay
we're just starting these skills are not
like a light switch it's not like you
learn these skills skills and then all
of a sudden you can execute on them this
is a wonderful game this is a wonderful
game to train your brain to get out of
its own way you can play this game
anywhere anytime I like to play this
game when I'm sitting in traffic makes
me feel better than I shout things out
they're not the naughty things that I
want to be shouting out but I shout out
things and it helps you're training
yourself to get out of your own way
you're working against the muscle memory
that you've developed over the course of
your life with a brain that acts very
fast to help you solve problems but in
essence in spontaneous speaking
situations you put too much pressure on
yourself trying to figure out how to get
it right so a game like this teaches us
to get out of our own way it teaches us
to see the things that we do that
prevent us from acting spontaneously in
essence we are reacting rather than
responding to react means to act again
you've thought it and now you're acting
on it that takes too long and it's too
thoughtful we want to respond in a way
that's genuine and authentic so the
maxim I would like for you to take from
this and again these Maxim's come from
improvisation is one of my favorite dare
to be dull in a room like this telling
you dare to be dull is offensive and I
apologize but this will help rather than
street striving for greatness dare to be
dull and if you dare to be dull and
allow yourself that you will reach that
greatness it's when us set greatness as
your target that it gets in the way of
you ever getting there because you over
evaluate you over analyze you freeze up
so the first step
in our process today is to get out of
our own way dare to be dull easier said
than done but once you practice in a
game just as simple as the one we
practiced is a great way to do it but
that's not enough getting out of our own
way is important but the second step of
our process has us change how we see the
situation we find ourselves in we need
to see the speaking opportunity that we
are a part of as an opportunity rather
than a challenge and a threat when I
coach executives on QA skills when they
go in front of the media or whatever
investors they see it as an adversarial
experience me versus them and one of the
first things I work on is changed the
way you approach it a QA session for
example is an opportunity for you it's
an opportunity to clarify it's an
opportunity to understand what people
are thinking so if we look at it as an
opportunity it feels very different we
see it differently and therefore we have
more freedom to respond when I feel that
you are challenging me I am going to do
the bare minimum to respond and protect
myself if I see this as an opportunity
where I have a chance to explain and
expand I'm going to interact differently
with you so spontaneous speaking
situations are ones that afford you
opportunities so when you're at a
corporate dinner and your boss turns to
you and says oh you know him better than
the rest would you mind introducing him
you say great thank you for the
opportunity rather than right I better
get this right so see things as an
opportunity I have a game to play to
help us with this this is a fun one the
holidays are approaching we all in this
room are going to give and receive gifts
here's how this game will work it works
best if you have a partner so I'm hoping
you can work with somebody sitting next
to you if there's nobody sitting next to
you you turn around introduce yourself
great way to connect if not you can play
this game by yourself it's just a little
harder and you can't do the second part
of the game so after I explain the game
give this gives you a chance to get to
know somebody here's how it works if you
have a partner you and your partner are
going to exchange imaginary gifts okay
pretend you have a gift can be a big
gift can be a small gift and you will
give your gift to your partner your
partner will take the gift and open it
up and will tell you what you gave them
because you have no you just gave them a
gift so you are going to open up the box
and you're going to look inside and you
are going to say the first thing that
comes to your mind in the moment not the
thing you have all just thought of or
the thing after that remember what we
talked about before that still plays
that's still in play okay you're
stockpiling look in there my favorite
that I said somebody gave me this a gift
during playing this game I looked inside
and I saw a frog leg I don't know why I
saw a frog leg but that's what I said
that's the first part of the activity
now the opportunity is to fold in this
game the opportunity is for you the gift
receiver to name a gift that's kind of
fun that's an opportunity it's not a
threat but the real opportunity is for
the gift giver because the gift giver
then has to say so you look and you say
thank you for giving me a frog's leg and
the person will will look at you to say
I knew you wanted a frog's leg because
so whatever you find the person who has
received it is going to say absolutely
I'm so glad you're happy I got it for
you because so you have to respond to
whatever they say right what a great
opportunity now some of you are sitting
you go oh that's hard I don't do it
myself others of you or if you're
following this advice are saying what a
great opportunity right so the game
again is played like this you and your
partner will exchange each will exchange
a gift one will start then the other
will follow the first person will give a
gift to the second person second person
opens the box however big the box is and
if the box is big and you find a penny
in it perfect doesn't matter the box is
heavy and you find a feather in it fine
it doesn't there's no way to get it
wrong okay
whatever's in the box is in the Box you
can return it and get what you wanted
later okay the person then you will name
it you'll say thank you for the whatever
you saw in the box
the person who gave it to you will say
I'm so glad you're excited I got it for
you because and you will give a reason
that you got them whatever they decided
you gave them make sense all right so
very quickly just in five seconds find a
partner if you're willing to do this
with a partner everybody have a partner
okay
all right in your partnerships in your
partnerships pick an a person in a B
person you may stand or sit it's totally
up to you
pick an A and pick a B okay
B goes first hahaha all right B give a a
gift B give a a gift a thank them and
then B will name and give the reason
they gave it to them
[Applause]
if you have not switched switched please
if you have not switched switched please
let's wrap it up in 30 seconds please
let's wrap it up
all right if we can all have our seats
if we can all take our seats please
I know I'm telling a room of many MBA
alums to stop talking and that's hard
all right ladies and gentlemen did you
get what you wanted
pretty neat huh you always get what you
want now for some of you this was really
hard because you you were really taking
the challenge and not seeing what was in
the box until you looked in there okay
was anybody surprised by what you found
in the box what did you find sir what
was in the box but Wow
nice nice if you've got a Ferrari you
need a transmission I like it
who else found something that was
surprising what did you find a live
unicorn that's a great gift right how
was it as the gift giver were you
surprised at what your partner found in
the box isn't it interesting that when
we give an imaginary gift knowing that
the person is gonna name it we already
have in mind what they're gonna find and
when they say live unicorn we go well
that's interesting right so the point of
this game is to one remind ourselves we
have to get out of our own way like we
talked about before but to see this as
an opportunity and to have fun I love
watching people play this game the
number of smiles that I saw amongst you
and I have to admit when I first started
some of you looked a little dour a
little doubting okay but in that last
game you were all smiling and looked
like you were having fun so when you
reframe the spontaneous speaking
opportunity as as an opportunity as
something that you can co-create and
share all the sudden you are less
nervous less defensive and you can
accomplish something pretty darn good in
this case a fun outcome this reminds us
of perhaps the most famous of all
proposition sayings yes and a lot of us
live our communication live saying no
but yes and opens up a tremendous amount
of opportunities and this doesn't mean
you have to say yes and to a question
somebody asks this just means the
approach you take to the situation so
you're going to ask me questions that's
an opportunity yes and I will follow
through versus no and being defensive
so we've accomplished the first two
steps of our process first we get out of
our own way and SEP can we reframe the
situation as an opportunity the next
phase is also hard but very rewarding
and that is to slow down and listen you
need to understand the demands of the
requirement you find yourself in in
order to respond appropriately but often
we jump ahead we listen just enough to
think we got it and then we go ahead
starting on our to think about what
we're gonna respond and then we respond
we really need to listen because
fundamentally as a communicator your job
is to be in service of your audience and
if you don't understand what your
audience is asking or needs you can't
fulfill that obligation so we need to
slow down and listen I have a fun game
to play in this game you are going to SP
ll e ve ry th ing y OU u sa y t o y ou
you are PA r TN ER I will translate you
are going to get with the same partner
you just worked with and you are going
to have a very brief conversation about
something fun that you plan to do today
I know this is the most fun you're going
to have all day but the next fun thing
you're going to do today you are going
to tell your partner what you are going
to do that will be fun today but you are
going to do so by SPE ll ing IT ok so
you're going to spell it
it's okay if you are not a good speller
okay the eye you'll see the benefit of
doing this so with the partner you just
worked with person a is going to go
first this time you are simply going to
tell your partner actually you're going
to spell to your partner what it is of
fun something of fun that you're going
to do today okay do what you were really
going to do for fun and not do things
like f EE D th e CA T right just because
you don't want to spell right so you can
use big words all right 30 seconds each
spelled to your partner something fun
that you're going to do today would you
like to play yep exc EE L le NT IH ope
tha t th ey WI n thank you that was very
good thank you
if you have not switched switch takes 30
more seconds with the new partner
spelling
grea t exclamation point tha NK y ou u
PL EA se ta ke y OU u r SE a t so what
did we learn what did we learn
besides that we're not so good at
spelling you have to pause between the
words how did this change your
interaction with the person you were
interacting with what did you have to do
focus and listen and you can't be
thinking ahead you have to be in the
moment when you listen and truly
understand what the person is trying to
say then you can respond in a better way
a more targeted response we often don't
listen so we start by getting out of our
own way we then reframe the situation as
an opportunity those are things we do
inside our head but in the moment of
interacting we have to listen first
before we can respond to the spontaneous
request perhaps my most favorite maxim
comes from this activity don't just do
something stand there listen listen and
then respond now how do we respond that
brings us to the fourth part of our
process and that is we have to tell a
story we respond in a way that has a
structure all stories have structure we
have to respond in a structured way the
key to successful spontaneous speaking
and by the way plan speaking is having a
structure I would like to introduce you
to two of the most prevalent and popular
and useful structures you can use to
communicate a message in a spontaneous
situation but before we get there we
have to talk about the value of
structure it increases what is called
processing fluency the effectiveness of
which or through which we
information we actually process
structured information roughly 40% more
effectively and efficiently than
information that's not structured I love
looking out in this audience because you
will remember as I remember phone
numbers when you had to remember them if
you wanted to call somebody okay young
folks today don't need to remember phone
numbers they just need to look at a
picture push a button and then the voice
starts talking on the other end
ten digit phone numbers it's actually
hard to remember ten digit phone numbers
how did you do it you chunked it into a
structure three three and four structure
helps us remember the same is true when
speaking spontaneously or in a planned
situation so let me introduce you to two
useful structures the first useful
structure you have probably heard or
used in some incarnation it is the
problem solution benefit structure you
start by talking about what the issue is
the problem you then talk about a way of
solving it and then you talk about the
benefits of following through on it very
persuasive very effective helps you as
the speaker remember it helps your
audience know where you're going with it
when I was a tour guide on this campus
many many many years ago what do you
think the single most important thing
they drilled into our heads
it took a full quarter by the way to
train to be a tour guide here they used
to line us up at one end of the quad and
have us walk backwards straight and if
you failed you had to start over to this
day I can walk backwards in a straight
line because of that as part of that
training what do you think the most
important thing they taught us was never
lose your tour group I'm not sure never
that's never lose your tour River the
same is true as a presenter never lose
your audience the way you keep your
audience on track is by providing
structure none of you would go on a tour
with me if I said hi my name is Matt
let's go you want to know where you're
going why you're going there how long
it's going to take you need to set
expectations and structure does that
problem solution benefit is a wonderful
structure to have in your back pocket
it's something that you can use quickly
when you're in the moment it can be
reframed so it's not always a problem
you're talking about maybe it's an OP
opportunity maybe there's a market
opportunity you want to go out and
capture it's not a problem that we're
not doing it but maybe we'd be better
off if we did so it becomes opportunity
solution which are the steps to achieve
it and then the benefit another
structure which works equally equally
well is the what so what now what
structure you start by talking about
what it is then you talk about why it's
important and then what the next steps
are this is a wonderful formula for
answering questions for introducing
people so if I'm in the moment somebody
asked me to introduce somebody I changed
the what to who I say who they are why
they're important and what we're gonna
do next maybe listen to them maybe drink
our wine whatever right what so what now
it the reality is this when you are in a
spontaneous speaking situation you have
to do two things simultaneously you have
to figure out what to say and how to say
it these structures help you by telling
you how to say it if you can become
comfortable with these structures you
can be in a situation where you can
respond very Abele to spontaneous
speaking situations we're gonna practice
because that's what we do here's the
situation is everybody familiar with
this child's toy it's a slinky okay you
are going to sell this slinky to your
partner using either a problem-solution
benefit or opportunity solution benefit
what does this slinky provide you or you
could use what so what now what what is
it why is it important and the next
steps might be to buy it okay so by
using that structure see how already it
helps you it helps you focus get with
your partner and we're only going to
have one partner sell to the other
partner okay so get with your partner
one of you will volunteer to sell to the
other okay
sell a slinky using problem solution
benefit or what so what now what please
begin
the Mikey so when I debrief this you can
go ahead and pass him out
does that make sense no no after this
activity
thirty more seconds please
excellent let's all close the deal seal
the deal I have never seen more people
in one place doing this at the same time
I love it
I teach people to gesture in gesture big
it's great I love it so if you were the
recipient of the the sales pitch
thumbs up did they do a good job did
they use the structure awesome I'm
recruiting you all for my next business
as my salespeople please try to ignore
this but as we're speaking the handout I
told you about is coming around on the
back of that handout you are going to
see a list of structures the two we
talked about and several others that can
help you in spontaneous speaking
situations these structures help because
they help you understand how you're
going to say what you say structure sets
you free and I know that's kind of
ironic but it's true if you have that
structure then you're free to think
about what it is you're going to say it
reduces the cognitive load of figuring
out what you're saying and how you're
going to say it all of this is on that
handout okay so what does this all mean
it means that we have within our ability
the tools and the approaches to help us
in spontaneous speaking situations the
very first thing we have to do is manage
our anxiety because you can't be an
effective speaker if you don't have your
anxiety under control and we talked
about how you can do that by greeting
your anxiety reframing as a conversation
and being in the present moment once you
do that you need to practice a series of
four steps that will help you speak
spontaneously first you get out of your
own way I would love it if all of you on
your way from here to the football game
point at things and call them the wrong
name it'll be fun
if most of us do it then it won't be
weird if only one and two of us do it'll
be weird right
second give gifts by that I mean see
your interactions as ones of opportunity
not challenges third take the time to
list
and listen and then finally use
structures and you have to practice
these structures I practice these
structures on my kids I have two kids
when they ask me questions I usually
answer them in what so what now what
they don't know it but when they go over
to their friends houses and they see
their friends ask their dads questions
they don't get what so what now what so
you know you have to practice the more
you practice the more comfortable you
will become ultimately you have the
opportunity before you to become more
compelling more confident more connected
as a speaker if you leverage these
techniques if you're interested in
learning more this is where I do a
little plug ok I've written a book many
of the MBA students who take the
strategic communication classes here
that I and others teach read it it's
called speaking up without freaking out
more importantly there's a website here
that I curate called no freaking
speaking and it has lots of information
that I've written and others have
written about how to become more
effective at speaking so that's that's
the end of my plug what I'd really like
to do is enter into a spontaneous
speaking situation with you and I would
love to entertain any questions that you
have there are two people who are
running around with microphones so some
of us who remember the Phil Donahue show
we're gonna do a little bit of that if
you have a question the microphone will
come and I'm happy to answer it I think
if you drawing if you talk about hostile
situations hostile situations yes so
when you find yourself in a challenging
situation first it should not become a
surprise to you it should not be a
surprise before you ever speak you
should think about what is the
environment going to be like so it
shouldn't surprise you that there might
be some challenges in the room when
there are hostile situations that arise
you have to acknowledge it so if
somebody says that's a ridiculous idea
why did you come up with that to simply
say so the idea I came up with was right
acknowledge the emotion I recommend not
naming the emotion okay so you sound
really angry person I'm not angry I'm
frustrated now we're arguing over their
mental state right emotional state so so
I say something like I hear you have a
lot of passion on this issue or I hear
there's great
concern from you so you acknowledge the
emotion cuz otherwise it sits in the
room and then reframe it respond the way
that makes sense so if somebody raises
their hand and says your product is
ridiculously priced why do you charge so
much I might say I hear great concern
and what you're really asking about is
the value of our product and I would
give my value proposition and then I
would come back and say and because of
the value we provide we believe it's
priced fairly so you answer the question
about price but you've reframe it in a
way that you feel more comfortable
answering it so the way to do this is to
practice all the skills we just talked
about the only skill that I'm adding to
this is the awareness in advance that
you might be in that situation first I
have to truly listen to what I'm hearing
right it's very easy for me when I hear
a challenging question to get all
defensive and not hear what the person's
asking I see it as an opportunity to
reframe and explain ok so again you have
to practice but that's how I think you
address it are there other questions I
see a question back here yes please
yes first of all thank you very much
great great presentation thank God for a
lot of the the speaking I do I have
remote audiences distributed all over
the country with telecom any tips for
those kinds of audiences so when you are
speaking in a situation where not
everybody is co-located ok in fact right
at this very moment there are people
watching this presentation remotely what
you need to do is be mindful of it
second try to include engagement
techniques where the audience actually
has to do something so physical
participation is what we did here
through the games you can ask your
audience to imagine something imagine
what it would be like if when we try to
achieve a goal rather and say here's the
goal we're trying to achieve say imagine
what it would be like if see what that
does to you it pulls you in I can take
polling questions most of the technology
that you're referring to has some kind
of polling feature you can open up some
kind of wiki or Google Doc or some
collaborative tool where people can be
doing things and you can be monitoring
that while you're presenting so I might
take some breaks I talk for 10-15
minutes and say ok let's apply this and
let's go into this Google Doc I've
created and I see what people are
so it's about variety and it's about
engagement those are the ways that you
really connect to people who are remote
from you okay other questions you're
pointing oh I've got to look for where
the mic is yes but this may be a similar
to the first question but I do a lot of
expert witness testimony what's your
recommendation for handling
cross-examination specifically so in any
speaking situation that you go into that
has some planned element to it I
recommend identifying certain themes
that you think are important or believe
need to come out and then with each one
of those themes have some examples and
concrete evidence that you can use to
support it you don't go in with
memorized terms or ways of saying it you
just have ideas and themes and then you
put them together as necessary so when
I'm in a situation where people are
interrogating me I have certain themes
that I want to get across and make sure
that I can do that in a way that fits
the needs in the moment if it's hostile
again you the the single best tool you
have to buy yourself time and to help
you answer a question efficiently is
paraphrasing the paraphrase is like the
Swiss Army knife of communication if you
remember the show MacGyver it's your
MacGyver tool right so when a question
comes in the way you paraphrase it
allows you the opportunity to reframe it
to think about your answer and to pause
and make sure you got it right so when
you're under those situations if you
have the opportunity to paraphrase a so
what you're really asking about is x y&z
that gives you the opportunity to employ
one of these techniques now I've never
been an expert witness because I'm not
an expert on anything but those tools I
believe could be helpful
the microphone is back there thank you
thank you so much this has been so
helpful and enjoyable this morning thank
you would you please show the last
screen so we can get down the name of
the book the children and the
information absolutely thank you I think
they actually you might even have an
opportunity but you know it's on the
sheet to everything I said is on the
back of that sheet but I'm happy to have
this behind me while I well I thought
other questions yes please
I work with groups that from that
represent many different cultural
backgrounds yes so are there any caveats
or is this a universal strategy so in
terms of from your perspective as the
speaker I believe this applies but when
you whenever you communicate part of the
listening aspect is also thinking about
is who is my audience and what are their
expectations so what are the cultural
expectations of the audience that I'm
presenting to so there might be certain
norms and rules that are expected so
when I travel and do talks I have to
take into account where I'm doing the
presentation so I I'm I help present in
the Ignite program and if you have not
heard about the Ignite program and here
at the GSB it's fantastic and I just did
a presentation standing in one of these
awesome classrooms that have all these
cameras and I just taught 35 people in
Santiago Chile okay and I needed to
understand the cultural expectations of
that area and what they expect and what
they're willing to do when I asked them
to participate so it's a part of that
listening step where you reflect on what
are the expectations of the audience I
think we have time for two more
questions and then I'm gonna hang around
afterwards if anybody has individual
questions but some of these folks really
want me to keep on schedule I wanted to
ask a question now one of the things
that you've done effectively and you're
talking and I've seen other effective
speakers do is interject humor in their
talk how what are the risks and rewards
of trying to do that well first thank
you and I appreciate all of you laughing
those are that's not the sum total of
all my jokes you've heard them I am not
funny beyond those jokes so humor is
wonderfully connecting it's wonderfully
connecting it's a great tool for
connection it is very very risky
cultural reasons get in the way
sometimes what you think is funny isn't
funny to other people what research
tells us is that if you're going to try
to be funny
self-deprecating humor is your best bet
okay because it is the least risky there
is nothing worse than putting out a joke
and having
no response it actually sets you back
farther than if you would have gotten
where you would have gotten if the joke
would have hit so basic
gentles you need to think about with
humor 1 is it funny how do I know I ask
other people first second what happens
if it doesn't work to have a back-up
plan
right and then third if you're worried
about the answers to those first two
don't do it right one last question
please the microphone is right here and
then like I said I will hang around
afterwards yes please I am sort of on
the opposite side of this since I am a
journalist and I frequently have to ask
spontaneous questions of people who have
been through media training yes so so
any tips for chinks in the armor way to
ask ask a question without being
antagonistic but get a facsimile of a
straight answer well so let me give you
two answers one is I have young boys and
the power of the Y is great just ask why
a couple times and and you can get
through that first two layers of
training you know why do you say that
well how do you feel about that the the
second bit is to what I have found
successful in getting people to I do
this to get people to answer in a more
authentic way what I'll do is I'll ask
them to give advice so what advice would
you give somebody who's challenged with
this or what advice would you give to
somebody in this situation and by asking
for the advice it changes the
relationship they have to me as the
question asker and I often get much more
rich detailed information so the power
of the Y and then put them in a position
of providing guidance and that can
really work with that I am going to
thank you very much I welcome you to ask
questions later and enjoy the rest of
your reunion weekend thank you
[Applause]
[Music]