Do you spend too much time trying to be attractive and interesting to others? Are you just a little too in love with your own Instagram feed?
An essay addressing those questions was chosen by two of our Student Council members this week. Angie Shen explains why she thinks it’s important:
As the generation who grew up with social media, a reflection on narcissism is of critical importance to teenagers. What are the psychological and ethical implications of constant engagement with or obsession over social media? How does it change our relationship with others and how we see ourselves?
“Narcissism Is Increasing. So You’re Not So Special.” begins:
My teenage son recently informed me that there is an Internet quiz to test oneself for narcissism. His friend had just taken it. “How did it turn out?” I asked. “He says he did great!” my son responded. “He got the maximum score!”
When I was a child, no one outside the mental health profession talked about narcissism; people were more concerned with inadequate self-esteem, which at the time was believed to lurk behind nearly every difficulty. Like so many excesses of the 1970s, the self-love cult spun out of control and is now rampaging through our culture like Godzilla through Tokyo.
A 2010 study in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that the percentage of college students exhibiting narcissistic personality traits, based on their scores on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, a widely used diagnostic test, has increased by more than half since the early 1980s, to 30 percent. In their book “Narcissism Epidemic,” the psychology professors Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell show that narcissism has increased as quickly as obesity has since the 1980s. Even our egos are getting fat.
It has even infected our political debate. Donald Trump? “Remarkably narcissistic,” the developmental psychologist Howard Gardner told Vanity Fair magazine. I can’t say whether Mr. Trump is or isn’t a narcissist. But I do dispute the assertion that if he is, it is somehow remarkable.
This is a costly problem. While full-blown narcissists often report high levels of personal satisfaction, they create havoc and misery around them. There is overwhelming evidence linking narcissism with lower honesty and raised aggression. It’s notable for Valentine’s Day that narcissists struggle to stay committed to romantic partners, in no small part because they consider themselves superior.
The full-blown narcissist might reply, “So what?” But narcissism isn’t an either-or characteristic. It’s more of a set of progressive symptoms (like alcoholism) than an identifiable state (like diabetes). Millions of Americans exhibit symptoms, but still have a conscience and a hunger for moral improvement. At the very least, they really don’t want to be terrible people.
Students: Read the entire article, then tell us:
Do you recognize yourself or your friends or family in any of the descriptions in this article? Are you sometimes too fixated on collecting “likes” and thinking about how others see you?
What’s the line between “healthy self-love” that “requires being fully alive at this moment, as opposed to being virtually alive while wondering what others think,” and unhealthy narcissism? How can you stay on the healthy side of the line?
Did you take the test? What did it tell you about yourself?
Henry Xu, another Student Council member who recommended this article, suggests these questions:
What about Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and other social media feeds makes them so hard to put down?
Do you think this writer’s proposal of a “social media fast” is a viable way to combat narcissism?
For those who aren’t as attached to social media, do challenges from an overinflated sense of self still arise? If so, from where?
If everyone is becoming more narcissistic, does that make narcissism necessarily a bad thing?
Do you ever suspect people are posting images on social media that show them in a one-dimensional way, to make others think they are perfect, with a perfect life?
Is your social media presence an accurate depiction of who you are in real life?
Talk with a classmate about social media personas, for famous people and for ordinary citizens, and how those personas are crafted and presented online.
In “My So-Called (Instagram) Life,” Clara Dollar writes:
“You’re like a cartoon character,” he said. “Always wearing the same thing every day.”
He meant it as an intimate observation, the kind you can make only after spending a lot of time getting to know each other. You flip your hair to the right. You only eat ice cream out of mugs. You always wear a black leather jacket. I know you.
And he did know me. Rather, he knew the caricature of me that I had created and meticulously cultivated. The me I broadcast to the world on Instagram and Facebook. The witty, creative me, always detached and never cheesy or needy.
That version of me got her start online as my social media persona, but over time (and I suppose for the sake of consistency), she bled off the screen and overtook my real-life personality, too. And once you master what is essentially an onstage performance of yourself, it can be hard to break character.
There was a time when I allowed myself to be more than what could fit onto a 2-by-4-inch screen. When I wasn’t so self-conscious about how I was seen. When I embraced my contradictions and desires with less fear of embarrassment or rejection.
There was a time when I swore in front of my friends and said grace in front of my grandmother. When I wore lipstick after seeing “Clueless,” and sneakers after seeing “Remember the Titans.” When I flipped my hair every way, ate ice cream out of anything, and wore coats of all types and colors.
Since then, I have consolidated that variety — scrubbed it away, really — to emerge as one consistently cool girl: one face, two arms, one black leather jacket.
Students: Read the entire article, then tell us:
Could you identify with, or at least understand, Clara Dollar’s online persona problem, and how it conflicts with her real-life needs and wants? Why or why not, and, if so, how? Do you think she will find a way to reconcile or integrate her online presence with her real life?
Do you know others who have the same problem? What are their stories?
Are you the same persona on social media as you are in real life? Why or why not? Give examples. Does your online persona prevent you from expressing yourself in a real way, and if so, are you interested in changing it? Why or why not?
Do you use social media?
If so, what apps do you use? How old were you when you started using them? Why did you choose to join? Were your parents involved in your decision?
If not, why have you chosen not to use social media?
In “New Facebook App for Children Ignites Debate Among Families,” Mike Isaac and Natasha Singer write:
Few big technology companies have dared to create online products for boys and girls ages 13 and under.
But on Monday, Facebook introduced an app, called Messenger Kids, that is targeted at that age group and asks parents to give their approval so children can message, add filters and doodle on photos they send to one another. It is a bet that the app can introduce a new generation of users to the Silicon Valley giant’s ever-expanding social media universe.
In doing so, Facebook immediately reignited a furious debate about how young is too young for children to use mobile apps and how parents should deal with the steady creep of technology into family life, especially as some fight to reduce the amount of time their sons and daughters spend in front of screens. On one side are parents like Matt Quirion of Washington, who said Facebook’s snaking its way into his children’s lives at an early age would most likely do more harm than good.
“I’m an avid social media user, but I don’t feel my kids need more social interaction,” said Mr. Quirion, 39, whose three children are between ages 3 and 9. “They need their personal time to process all the social interaction and learn to grow into mature people.”
Just as vocal are parents like Parker Thompson of Alameda, Calif., who said children’s adoption of technology is an inevitability and who appreciated Facebook’s approach with the new app.
“Today, much of the time our options come down to giving kids devices and trusting things will work out, watching them closely at all times, or banning technology,” said Mr. Thompson, 38, a father of three children between 6 months to 8 years old. “Tech is going to be something kids adopt. The question is how this will happen.”
Students: Read the entire article, then tell us:
In your opinion, how young is too young to use social media?
What are some of the drawbacks and benefits of introducing technology at an early age? Does it interfere with family life and children’s personal time to process social interactions and get to know themselves? Or does it help young children connect with others and learn to use social media safely in a controlled environment?
Over all, do you think apps like Facebook’s Messenger Kids will do more harm or good?
Should parents be worried about their children’s privacy and the way Facebook may collect and use data from the app? Do you think Facebook is acting in the best interests of children? Or itself?
How old were you when you first got on Facebook, Instagram, or any other social network?
What mistakes did you make? What did you learn from them? What advice would you give a younger sibling who is just getting started? Why?
In “Seven Ways Parents Can Help 13-Year-Olds Start Their Social Media Lives Right,” KJ Dell’Antonia writes:
Thirteen-year-olds who are already on social media spend a lot of time there, living their social lives both online and off. CNN’s new documentary, “Being 13,” and an accompanying report, “Being Thirteen: Social Media and the Hidden World of Young Adolescents’ Peer Culture,” reveal an entire world of just barely teenage posting, commenting, jockeying and, most of all, lurking on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
While not every 13-year-old is on social media, or wants to be, many are. Fifty-seven percent of 13- and 14-year-olds use Facebook, 44 percent use Instagram, and 21 percent use Twitter, according to the Pew Research Center. And as 13-year-olds begin to mix social media into their lives, they open a window into the carefully curated lives of their classmates. Many are delighted by that additional connection, but even the most socially deft teenagers can feel left out of pictured fun that doesn’t include them, get caught up in online conflict, or feel slighted by a lack of appreciation of their posts. For young teenagers who are experiencing less offline social success, the online world can exacerbate their difficulties.
… These teenagers, at the youngest end of the spectrum, valued their online connectedness but also described in more detail the ways the specific online interactions affected them. Although much of that impact, even when negative, appears to be short-lived (researchers found no meaningful associations between involvement with social media and psychological adjustment), many of the individual comments and behaviors from teenagers suggested that social media had great power to affect their day-to-day emotions in ways a parent might regard with suspicion. One child said she took 100 to 200 pictures of herself to get a good selfie; another regularly posted images on Instagram seeking specific forms of approval only to receive silence in return. Many spent hours scrolling through the images of their peers’ lives online.
Students: Read the entire article, then tell us:
What do you remember about your first experiences on social media? Were they more positive or negative? What did you learn early on? How?
Do you agree that the online world exacerbates difficulties for young people who are having trouble socially? What advice would you give those students in particular?
How much did or do your parents “lurk” on your social media? Do you agree with the advice given in the article that parents should lurk initially, but not comment or otherwise be a real presence there?
Are there important lessons to be learned from making mistakes on social media? To what extent do you think parents should intervene if they see their child do something that seems like a mistake?
What do you think of the advice in this article? Do you agree? What would you add?
Do you think you pay full attention to the people you are with? Are you engaged in what’s happening around you? Or are you distracted by your phone? And are the people in your life — your family, friends, even teachers — distracted by theirs?
In the Opinion piece “Stop Googling. Let’s Talk.,” Sherry Turkle writes:
College students tell me they know how to look someone in the eye and type on their phones at the same time, their split attention undetected. They say it’s a skill they mastered in middle school when they wanted to text in class without getting caught. Now they use it when they want to be both with their friends and, as some put it, “elsewhere.”
These days, we feel less of a need to hide the fact that we are dividing our attention. In a 2015 study by the Pew Research Center, 89 percent of cellphone owners said they had used their phones during the last social gathering they attended. But they weren’t happy about it; 82 percent of adults felt that the way they used their phones in social settings hurt the conversation.
I’ve been studying the psychology of online connectivity for more than 30 years. For the past five, I’ve had a special focus: What has happened to face-to-face conversation in a world where so many people say they would rather text than talk? I’ve looked at families, friendships and romance. I’ve studied schools, universities and workplaces. When college students explain to me how dividing their attention plays out in the dining hall, some refer to a “rule of three.” In a conversation among five or six people at dinner, you have to check that three people are paying attention — heads up — before you give yourself permission to look down at your phone. So conversation proceeds, but with different people having their heads up at different times. The effect is what you would expect: Conversation is kept relatively light, on topics where people feel they can drop in and out.
Young people spoke to me enthusiastically about the good things that flow from a life lived by the rule of three, which you can follow not only during meals but all the time. First of all, there is the magic of the always available elsewhere. You can put your attention wherever you want it to be. You can always be heard. You never have to be bored. When you sense that a lull in the conversation is coming, you can shift your attention from the people in the room to the world you can find on your phone. But the students also described a sense of loss.
Students: Tell us …
Are you distracted by your phone?
Are phones getting in the way of having real face-to-face conversations? Do you find yourself — or others — reading texts or Googling instead of really paying attention?
Do you ever get annoyed by others when they’re not fully paying attention to you because they’re looking at their phone?
Does the way you, your friends and your family use phones in social settings hurt the conversation? Ms. Turkle writes, “Studies of conversation both in the laboratory and in natural settings show that when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel.” Do you find yourself investing less into a conversation, or keeping the conversation light, when a phone is out?
Do you ever make a choice not to carry your phone all the time? Do you keep it away from the dinner table or certain social events? Do you ever turn it off so you can think and be with your own thoughts? Does your family have any rules about using phones?
Two recent surveys reveal a widespread belief among teachers that students have shorter attention spans because of their constant use of digital technology.
Are you distracted by technology? Are smartphones, texting, video games, iPads, Facebook, Web surfing and television getting in the way of your learning?
In “Technology Changing How Students Learn, Teachers Say,” Matt Richtel reports on the two surveys:
There is a widespread belief among teachers that students’ constant use of digital technology is hampering their attention spans and ability to persevere in the face of challenging tasks, according to two surveys of teachers being released on Thursday.
The researchers note that their findings represent the subjective views of teachers and should not be seen as definitive proof that widespread use of computers, phones and video games affects students’ capability to focus.
Even so, the researchers who performed the studies, as well as scholars who study technology’s impact on behavior and the brain, say the studies are significant because of the vantage points of teachers, who spend hours a day observing students.
Students: Are you distracted by technology?
Are smartphones, texting, video games, iPads, Facebook, Web surfing and television getting in the way of your learning?
Has digital technology shortened your attention span?
Do you suffer from a “Wikipedia problem”? Are you likely to give up when you can’t find an answer quickly?
Do you find reality less interesting than what you’re doing and viewing on a screen?
How much time do you spend each day in front of a screen?
Do you think technology is getting in the way of your ability to write and communicate face to face?
Is technology distracting you from your homework?
Technology is supposed to make us more connected. We can stay in touch with our friends all the time on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, and, of course, by texting. But are our smartphones actually getting in the way of real socializing? Could technology be making us more alone?
The above YouTube video from 2013 by the comedian and actress Charlene deGuzman suggests just that. It has been viewed almost 50 million times. In “Disruptions: More Connected, Yet More Alone,” Nick Bilton writes:
Ms. deGuzman’s video makes for some discomfiting viewing. It’s a direct hit on our smartphone-obsessed culture, needling us about our addiction to that little screen and suggesting that maybe life is just better led when it is lived rather than viewed. While the clip has funny scenes — a man proposing on a beach while trying to record the special moment on his phone — it is mostly … sad.
When we asked this same question three years ago, the sentiment struck a nerve with many students. In hundreds of comments, students talked about how technology was often intruding in their relationships. Taylor wrote:
I often find myself surrounded by people staring at their phones and I am even guilty of doing it. I think if one person is staring at their phone, everyone else tends to do it, whether it be self consciously or just in order to avoid an awkward situation.
Madalyn shared, “My mother is always staring down at her smartphone, never listening.”
Some students talked about trying to set boundaries. Bronte wrote:
I’ve set limits for myself when I’m hanging out with friends and family. I’ve noticed that relationships become real. People become people, not just fantasies of what their lives are portrayed as on social media.
Not everyone agreed, though. Nakota wrote:
I believe that technology is a great way to get into contact with other people. I am a shy person, so I do not enjoy to talk to people face to face. Skype is one way that I avoid this. I can have private conversations with people I know personally.
Students: Watch the video, then tell us:
Does technology make us more alone? Do you find yourself surrounded by people who are staring at their screens instead of having face-to-face conversations? Are you ever guilty of doing that, too?
Is our obsession with documenting everything through photographs and videos preventing us from living in the moment?
Do you ever try to put your phone down to be more present with the people in the room?
Do you have rules for yourself or for your friends or family about when and how you use technology in social situations? If not, do you think you should?
Do you think smartphones will continue to intrude more into our private and social spaces, or do you think society is beginning to push back?
Alternatively, do you agree with students like Nakota who think technology brings us closer together?
How did you score? Are you obsessed with your phone?
In “The Phones We Love Too Much,” Lesley Alderman writes:
In our quest to be connected through technology, we’re tuning out our partners and interrupting a kind of biological broadband connection.
“People are beginning to realize that something is amiss,” said Sherry Turkle, an M.I.T. technology professor and author of “Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age.” “They don’t necessarily know what to do about it, but they are open to change.”
Judith Bell, a leadership coach and co-founder of Relationships That Work in Novato, Calif., has noticed that her clients are starting to respect phone boundaries. “Now they turn off their phones when they are in session. A few years back, they would let themselves be interrupted.”
If you’re feeling frustrated by phone interference in your relationship, talk to your partner but be positive. “Emphasize the benefits of being more connected,” Ms. Bell said. Rather than dictate to your partner what they should or should not do, try an approach such as, “I love talking with you, but when you’re constantly checking your phone it’s hard to have a great conversation.”
“The first step is awareness,” Dr. Roberts said.
Ms. Alderman continues:
Here are some suggested ways to break up with your phone long enough to connect with your partner.
Designate “no cell” zones in your home. With your partner, decide which areas of your home, such as the living room and the kitchen, should be technology-free. And consider eliminating phone use in the car so that you can use that time to talk to your partner about whatever is on your mind.
Students: Read the entire article, which outlines more ideas, and then tell us:
What is your reaction to the article’s warnings about excessive phone use? Do you know anyone whose phone love gets in the way of his or her relationships?
Do you think you might have a problem with excessive phone love, too? Does your relationship with your phone hurt your relationships with friends, family members or other human beings? Why or why not?
Will you try any of the suggested steps to curb phone obsession? If so, which ones, and why?
What is the purpose of the internet?
Should it be a place where everyone can speak freely and exchange information and ideas? Or, does that kind of open forum end up privileging the loudest and most extreme voices? Does it naturally lead to trolling, fake news, and clickbait?
What changes would you like to see on the internet, and why?
In “‘The Internet Is Broken’: @ev Is Trying to Salvage It,” David Streitfeld writes:
Evan Williams is the guy who opened up Pandora’s box. Until he came along, people had few places to go with their overflowing emotions and wild opinions, other than writing a letter to the newspaper or haranguing the neighbors.
Mr. Williams — a Twitter founder, a co-creator of Blogger — set everyone free, providing tools to address the world. In the history of communications technology, it was a development with echoes of Gutenberg.
And so here we are in 2017. How’s it going, Mr. Williams?
“I think the internet is broken,” he says. He has believed this for a few years, actually. But things are getting worse. “And it’s a lot more obvious to a lot of people that it’s broken.”
People are using Facebook to showcase suicides, beatings, and murder, in real time. Twitter is a hive of trolling and abuse that it seems unable to stop. Fake news, whether created for ideology or profit, runs rampant. Four out of 10 adult internet users said in a Pew survey that they had been harassed online. And that was before the presidential campaign heated up last year.
“I thought once everybody could speak freely and exchange information and ideas, the world is automatically going to be a better place,” Mr. Williams says. “I was wrong about that.”
Students:
Take this Times quiz on how many times your personal information has been exposed to hackers.
Is your online information at risk?
Are you worried about getting hacked? Explain what information might be most vulnerable and where you might be most exposed to hackers.
In “Yahoo Says It Was Hacked. Here’s How to Protect Yourself,” the New York Times staff writes:
Yahoo said on Wednesday that hackers in 2013 stole data of over one billion users. Names, contact information, passwords, and answers to security questions may have been taken in the breach, the company said. The announcement came months after the company disclosed a similar attack that affected 500 million accounts in 2014.
Whether you are a current or former Yahoo user, security experts have said that incidents like these could have far-reaching consequences for users beyond Yahoo’s services.
The article goes on to provide answers to frequently asked questions, including the following:
How do I know if my personal information was stolen?
(Answer: Assume it was.)
Students:
The director of the C.I.A., David H. Petraeus, resigned last week after the Federal Bureau of Investigation discovered he was having an extramarital affair. The F.B.I. began by investigating a civilian e-mail harassment case, but, as the bureau reviewed thousands of pages of private e-mails, the scandal widened — to General Petraeus and others. While this scandal raises many questions about ethics, it also raises questions about online privacy and expectations of privacy.
How careful are you about what you post and write on the Web?
In “Online Privacy Issue Is Also in Play in Petraeus Scandal,” Scott Shane writes:
On the Internet, and especially in e-mails, text messages, social network postings and online photos, the work lives and personal lives of Americans are inextricably mixed. Private, personal messages are stored for years on computer servers, available to be discovered by investigators who may be looking into completely unrelated matters.
… The hazards of the Web as record keeper, of course, are a familiar topic. New college graduates find that their Facebook postings give would-be employers pause. Husbands discover wives’ infidelity by spotting incriminating e-mails on a shared computer. Teachers lose their jobs over impulsive Twitter comments.
Students:
Facebook has swelled to an estimated 845 million users, who typically share everything from their last name to their favorite movies — even phone numbers and e-mails. What users may not realize is that advertisers then use this information to customize what ads appear on a user’s page.
What sort of impression do you think advertisers and companies might have of you, based on how you use Facebook and search engines like Google?
The law professor Lori Andrews writes in an opinion piece in the Sunday Review that even creditors might now make decisions for their customers based not only on personal information but also on aggregate data – material drawn from a group composites. She explains:
Stereotyping is alive and well in data aggregation. Your application for credit could be declined not on the basis of your own finances or credit history, but on the basis of aggregate data — what other people whose likes and dislikes are similar to yours have done. If guitar players or divorcing couples are more likely to renege on their credit-card bills, then the fact that you’ve looked at guitar ads or sent an e-mail to a divorce lawyer might cause a data aggregator to classify you as less credit-worthy.
Even though laws allow people to challenge false information in credit reports, there are no laws that require data aggregators to reveal what they know about you. If I’ve Googled “diabetes” for a friend or “date rape drugs” for a mystery I’m writing, data aggregators assume those searches reflect my own health and proclivities. Because no laws regulate what types of data these aggregators can collect, they make their own rules.
Students:
5 videos|78 docs
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1. What is the impact of social media on communication? | ![]() |
2. How do smartphones influence daily life? | ![]() |
3. What are the benefits of using the internet for education? | ![]() |
4. How does technology affect mental health? | ![]() |
5. What are the privacy concerns related to social media? | ![]() |