Mindset / Approach (Part 6) - Acing the Quarter-life - Self Help Learning PDF Download

Avoid peer pressure
A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.

—Ayn Rand

As I also indicated in Begin with “I”, we humans are driven by the urge to fit in and conform, and hence our choices largely tend to be a function of our peer group. Peer pressure is a very strong force for us. there are studies that show how if you are the only person witnessing a crime, you will take on personal responsibility and try to stop it, but if there are many people and no one is doing anything, then most likely you will also not act to stop it. look closely at your life too: how many decisions do you take every day because of your peer group?

Now that it is well-established that you take decisions based on your peer group, let’s understand that there are really only two ways that you can avoid peer pressure: (i) making yourself independent of the peer group’s opinion (ii) using the power that the peer group has on you and making it work in your favor rather than against you.

Achieving a state where the peer group does not impact you anymore is a difficult process as we are social beings; however, getting to know yourself more and practising positive mind control will gradually start to take you there. For the other way of leveraging the power of peer group positively, there is a common and widely successful strategy. as you move your time away from ordinary to extraordinary choices, observe how your peer group responds to this change. If the peer group is fine, continue with your change. If the peer group starts to oppose your change, announce openly to them on what you are trying to achieve and bring them onto your side. People usually feel the responsibility for this change once you bring them onto your side, and are more likely to push you towards making it successful.

Although the above two approaches have been presented as fairly distinct, in reality, you will have to employ a mix of both to see the success that you desire.

Be Original
Mad Hatter: “Have I gone mad?” Alice: “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are”.

—Tim Burton, Alice In Wonderland

When one starts work as a junior/entry-level, the scope to be original is quite less and one has to learn about many things at the same time: your industry, your company, your role etc. It is only with time once you have mastered the basics that you can start to demonstrate your originality. even within jobs, there is a differing level of flexibility on this. a large multinational organization typically has well-defined policies and procedures and hence provides less room for individual play, while smaller companies or start-ups can provide more freedom right from the beginning. Based on what suits their individual styles, you will typically see people taking these calls on what kind of environments work better for them and steer their careers accordingly.

If you really start going after what you love to do and continue at it for many years, you might reach a point where you realize that there is no such established career path. But then, if everyone had looked for previous reference points or pre-established paths, nothing original would ever have got created. as t. s. eliot said, “only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go”.

That said, in reality, it can be a bit unsettling to be different as you really do not see a clear path ahead. the only thing you know is that there is a voice within you that tells you to do something and you just keep listening to it and acting based on that. however, a practical tip that works best in such a scenario is to find people like you who are in similar situations. these people will tell you that they experience the same feeling and it is perfectly normal to be different. In fact, if some such people you know are already fairly successful, it would provide you with even more comfort that taking your path can take you to your destination as well, as their path took them to theirs. as ralph Waldo emerson said, “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”.

Step Out of The Comfort Zone
Five percent of the people think; ten percent of the people think they think; and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.

—Thomas A. Edison

The first step to stepping out of one’s comfort zone is to question the status quo. ask yourself questions on why you do the same things over and over again. In fact, a very powerful exercise is to start questioning and writing down every single thing that you do on a day-to-day basis. this simple exercise will provide a strong impetus to change as you will uncover insights about your habits and behaviors and sometimes even that they are clearly not aligned with what you really want and hence as long as you continue to pursue them, you will not get any closer to your vision/goals.

Although this exercise can sound cumbersome at first, with time, it can really be a lot of fun to constantly try and reinvent yourself. You can even link this exercise to markers, for example, your birthday or beginning of a new year or any other date that might have a strong significance for you. these external markers can provide you with that extra push that you need at times. get into the habit of constantly reinventing yourself. Focus on what you want to be, not what you have been. as anna Quindlen said, “the life you have led doesn’t need to be the only life you have”.

Another powerful tool is to ask the question: “If I do this, what’s the worst that can happen?” although this question asks you to think about a negative situation, it does not mean that you start focusing on painting the most negative pictures. this exercise should be done just to assess the overall broader impact, and once you have the answer, you should quickly shift your focus to the positive. For example, if you have a job offer from outside your home country, and you are not sure if you should take it or not, just ask yourself this question. Most likely, you will come up with the answer that worst case if you do not like it, you will apply for jobs back in your home country and as soon as you get one, you will move back. Big deal! this kind of thinking provides a strong safety cushion and will enable you to go ahead and make decisions even outside of your comfort zone. For all you know, you might really like it there outside and might never have to come back; however, just using that safety cushion thinking, allowed you to step outside of the comfort zone.