A dialogue to kill the fear of public speaking | Animesh Gupta | TEDxNITCalicut Video Lecture | Understanding the art of Public Speaking: Become a better speaker - Self Help Learning

[Music]
I'm sorry I can't do this
sorry can do this I just kind of do no
backing what do you mean you can't
what's wrong of course you can do this
no this is too many people I'm just
freaking out in this one crazy and what
if I forget something I just want to
keep this I just want to keep this you
want to keep this fine what about the
consequences do you know what happens to
people who don't speak up in front of
others you know what happens to their
careers what about tomorrow when you
have to speak up in a board meeting in
front of an interview panel what are you
gonna do then how long you keep keeping
this you want to have a lifetime worth
of anxiety and pain and escape and
regret and failure I don't know I know I
know make sense but I don't know I just
I just can't this there's so many people
who can't speak um people I mean these
people sitting here a lot of them can't
speak up in public so it's just I have
to deal with it what do I do
okay hold on a second hold on a second I
can prove to you that you can okay watch
how many of you guys over here can come
up here and confidently speak up can I
get a show of hands so just just maybe
what 10 15 percent right but watch hold
on how many of you who didn't raise your
hands if I were to put a gun to your
parents heads and told you then you have
to come up here and speak or I'm gonna
shoot them would you then be afraid or
would you come up and speak how many of
you say you would still not come up and
speak to save your parents life show of
hands zero what about you
put a gun to your parent said you
wouldn't come up and speak no of course
I what you say I mean there is life in
that situation of course I'd be able to
speak that's not a big deal then exactly
life in that situation your career is on
the line that's life isn't it what are
you gonna do isn't that a big thing for
you because when you look at the big
fear of life and death then you start
thinking this is easy this is nothing
but you know what your career your
entire life is at stake that is a big
consequence it is like a gun to your
head
and if you start focusing on the big
pain that you're going to be getting
tomorrow if you don't do this today you
are going to think that this is a thing
isn't it
yeah makes sense I suppose I could all
right so how do i how do i how do i get
comfortable and be able to do this like
like you okay so it's got to start from
the outset all right it has to start
from the outset what is the first thing
that comes to your mind when you think
about speaking in front of a crowd the
first thing that comes to my mind mmm
you want me to say it yeah go ahead and
say it it's the first thing that comes
to head when you look at a group of
people the first thing that comes to my
mind is oh hey he made me say it
there's a lot of other swear words that
come also which I definitely can't see
right now and then I start saying oh my
god I need to escape this and I start
finding ways of escaping it oh no wonder
you have a fear of public speaking
okay so we're gonna be making a choice
right now okay you're either gonna
accept the short term anxiety and you're
gonna perform and develop and learn all
right or you're gonna just say you know
what I can deal with this so let me just
go back to the entire lifelong of pain
to choices so because you've decided to
go and kill this short term anxiety
you're gonna say you know what I want
this I want to face the crowd and I want
to develop I want to learn so because
the other choice is just too painful so
the first thing you say to yourself is I
want this not oh my god how do I skip it
okay and you know that nervousness
you're talking about you want to pump up
your fists just like sports people do
all right look at that guy that's why he
performs you want to pump up your fists
and you want to say I want this all the
time every single time before the day of
your presentation during the night when
you can't sleep in the morning when you
can't eat and when you're on the way and
when you before you're facing the
audience every single time you want to
say I want this you got it you know what
you make it sound easy it's not it's
just not easy it's just there's so many
things so many issues you know what if I
just forget and I stand there and I look
at the audience and I forget I didn't
think of that
that's interesting yeah I don't know in
that case I think they're gonna hang you
I'm gonna hang you obviously how can you
forget
you know you're free you're going to be
on the front page of Times of India for
forgetting your speech it's gonna be
insane or I didn't think of that
okay so let's do one thing because you
think you might forget make a fool of
yourself let's just go with other option
of a lifetime of mediocrity and failure
how about that that makes sense right
and when you're in that lifelong
mediocrity unit looking back at your
life and regretting maybe then you can
see you know what I chose this life
because hey what if I forgot my speech
the other day and if people looked at me
weird you want to do that because you're
making a choice and you know what what
do you say about an interview tomorrow
if you have an interview tomorrow or an
exam tomorrow there are chances that you
might not get picked up in that
interview or you might not pass that
exam but do you say that let me not go
for the exam let me now go for the
interview
doesn't work like that and and and come
on I don't know what to say if you
forget who cares yeah I know ed that's
not what I meant of course you're not
gonna be published in the time that's
stupid but you don't also don't want to
look like an idiot right I mean
seriously if I just forget everything
and isn't it it's not a big deal okay
you know what do one thing you write
everything down and you just read it out
okay then what I mean if forgetting is a
big concern read out your entire speech
because slowly ends and steadily you
will start gaining confidence
you remember that entire thing but the
point is not to escape that and go back
because you remember the other choice
that's not really a good choice anyway
okay okay but English yeah you know what
English is also a problem for me I'm not
I'm not fluent and I fumble a lot so so
what do I do about that
it just makes me awkward English what
about all the successful Europeans are
speaking broken English all the time
people are not judging you on your
English speaking people are testing you
on your confidence and do you really
want to go back because you don't speak
English you want to scape the situation
and into that entire life or mediocrity
because your people would laugh at your
English who's the prime minister of a
country what if he said that come on man
everything's smaller than that
okay okay okay fine um there's too many
people there's just too many people you
know give me four five people six people
a hundred people there's an IIT
professor sitting in the audience what
are you saying I can't do this missus
and the eye is looking at me I can't
even make eye contact with them there's
too many all right hold on isn't that
what you want you want more people you
want more people to notice you right
that's the whole point isn't it
what do you want like entire two people
audience clapping for you what is wrong
with you you want more eyes an end by
the way what's up with his eyes you know
that's how people see people see with
their eyes how do you want them to see
you with their ankles or something
doesn't make sense you want them to end
you want to say you want to first of all
get out of that little days you're
hiding behind come out in front and say
you know what look at me
I want people look at me and by the way
don't say this out loud you're gonna be
looking like a retard okay in your head
you want to say look at me I am going to
share an idea with you which by the way
might bore the crap out of you today
I don't know but still even if it was
and here's the beauty of entering the
short term anxiety even if it bores the
crap out of you today
I will still walk away from here feeling
a little more confident for the next
presentation Allah moved a few steps
closer towards my desire itself and that
is what matters to me right that's the
choice you're making isn't it so who
cares
I say you one more eyes looking at you
okay it okay I know I'm not trying to
make an excuse I know it all sounds
rational and it's all logical but it's
not meaning that's not natural it's just
not me I've always been this way man I
mean if I was younger that be okay but
I'm 40 years old I'm like 15 20 years
I've been this way 4050 M II come on I
thought I can't you know why it's not
it's not natural maybe it's someone
else's style but I can't natural you
know what else is natural disease so
next time you get sick
don't let the doctor interfere say you
know what I don't want you to interfere
this natural process let me die of
whatever disease I have and what about
rapist
if they tomorrow walk away and say you
know what yeah I raped a girl have been
raping the world for 20 years it just
naturally feels feels ok to do so God
made me this way it comes naturally to
us so why you stopping us now there is
ribbon piece what's wrong with you
you're gonna accept that do you really
want to be natural and worthless and
live in a lifelong of pain and
mediocrity and look at other people push
you down and pass you by just because
you didn't speak up and you wanted to be
natural natural and worthless or do you
want to be unnatural and confident learn
grow succeed and be in control you've
been making that choice again so you
decide ok alright alright you know what
definite you're right I can't go back to
the other choice I need to do this and
and it doesn't make sense to pick the
other choice I have to do this obviously
ok you make perfect sense but but I and
I'm pumped up believe me I'm pumped up
with your talk I really want to do this
but then suddenly I get this this
pounding heartbeat and I just all that
dog just goes and I just feel that this
is nervousness I just won't be able to
perform what do I do about this
nervousness seriously I'm not making an
excuse okay you know what there's a lot
of things that you're gonna be doing in
your life look at this
okay all of this is gonna make you
nervous but it's fun too okay so you're
gonna have to just channelize your
nervousness such in toluca 200 tests
match both in are nervous of course he
was 100 sent to you every single century
squared he was nervous every time he
wanted to get off the mark he was
nervous and we're talking about such
internal good 200s much 20 years of
career and he was still notice I am NOT
saying that you're not gonna be nervous
you are going to be nervous you are
gonna be feeling a little scared okay
the biggest or eater in the world
Anthony Robbins he jumps up and down
five hundred times before an audience
because he's nervous so you are gonna be
a little scared your heartbeat is going
to be a little crazy but that's that's
how you use it you want that energy okay
so you want to breathe just like that
you want to come out and you want to
move around you want to use your
gestures you want to speak loud you
don't want to just be stiff and stand
like
you're gonna get even more you want to
use that energy inside of you you want
to start thinking in your head and you
want to start looking at people and
smiling at people that's how the eyes
become comfortable to look at so you
want to use that energy and every single
time you get more nervous every single
time you get mobile and one of us you're
gonna have to look at that picture of
pumping up your fists and saying you
know what I'm ready for this challenge
because there is no other choice frankly
is there so nervousness is going to
happen and slowly and slowly you're
gonna build it up into confidence now
clock's ticking what do you say okay so
fine if I forget I'm not going to be
published all the time so friend guy
come on stupid what is there to be
afraid of people yeah I want more people
English I don't care about my English I
care about moving out of that situation
that I'm designing for myself I don't
want to be in that situation okay
you can do this Hey
watch me ladies and gentlemen that was
the dialogue I used to conquer my phobia
of public speaking and I'd like to
assure you I know it's a lot of your
shot I am NOT mentally retarded I don't
have any multiple personality disorder
okay this is this is a dialogue that I
wanted to demonstrate it's based on a
very powerful technique called neuro
linguistic programming and so it's a way
of of talking back to yourself in the
proper body language one of the things
that we do is we try to escape this
short term and then we think that
everything is fine we're going to stay
in our comfort zone and we'll be fine
that is the biggest lie ever
because if we start to realize the gun
to our head we're gonna notice that's a
big problem
so you respond back with that powerful
dialogue that I just demonstrated when
when I was in high school my parents
believed a lot in my academic potential
they knew that I was not getting through
any other top colleges okay
so they worked really hard saved up a
lot of money and sent me in to Toronto
and by the way those of you who are and
a lot of people today's time the
thinking of Canadian immigration do not
be fooled by Google okay
I googled Toronto on Google Images I
thought I was going to see this and
guess what I didn't up seen that that's
what I end up seeing when I actually
went there the 1% of you who don't have
relatives in Canada because frankly
that's how you know if you're real
Indian how many of you have relatives in
Canada show fans okay at least in North
India pretty much every single person
every time they here throw into a
candidacy oh yeah I have a relative
there so for the 1% of you who don't let
me tell you a little about the weather
for eight months of the earth it's like
living in your freezer okay and and I
used to I remember because I was on a
limited budget I used to save every
single dollar so I used to be walking a
few kilometers carrying
big heavy bags of groceries 15 or 20
kilos and walking just to save 2 or 3
dollars on the bus fare right and I
realized that you know my last name
I am a banya but I assure you it's not
because it runs in my blood to save
money
the actual fascinating thing is I needed
to save that money ok wait for this to
pay off people in my class so that they
could present instead of me because I
was just too afraid of coming up and
speaking so actually paid off people the
way I I started this talk was exactly
the way I was a few years ago the only
difference the only change that I made
is that I started responding back to
myself and I started asking myself what
choice are you willing to make that
entire life long of pain because you're
hiding today it's not going to work out
for you so you got to decide and of
course it was it was tough but compared
to the other situation it was easy so
many people with amazing potential a lot
of you raised your hands a lot of you
use your hands when I asked if you're
not going to be confident coming up here
I have a lot of friends this you know as
faculty for sitting here we know the
number of people who would do
brilliantly but don't because they get
stuck at a group discussion at an
interview the credits get taken away
from them the ideas get stolen from them
they don't get respect in their social
gatherings because they don't speak up
and imagine what would happen if they
started having this dialogue with
themselves because no one else
regardless how much another person tells
you you're not going to get this in your
head you have to have this dialogue with
yourself you have to be true to yourself
and imagine what would happen if you
started having this dialogue with
yourself and putting yourself up to the
challenge I mean your your growth would
just explode wouldn't it
Nadia this is so one of those one of the
exceptional people you have a chat with
her for half an hour I don't care how
unemotional you are you will break down
and cry after that conversation
listening to her life stories and
inspirational struggles at 90 years old
I thought
there's gonna be the end old age
catching up with her medical ailments I
thought it was gonna be the end she went
to I see use a lot came back regained
her health 91 I see was it simply z'd in
fact you know to the point that if there
was ever such a thing called a frequent
flyer program for I see with it
she'd own half the hospital okay she was
that regular every third week she's in
the ICU and and I was thinking you know
in 92 years old 93 94 finally had it has
idea what's happening what's your
motivation how do you keep regaining her
health and she smiled and she says you
know and she told me and is one of the
things that that she had a talk with
herself a bird and she said you know I
even III tell myself I'm not able to
write anymore I when I when I try to
move it's I feel the pain of breaking
the bone and I can barely talk so I
sometimes awesome I smashed myself
what's the point why don't I just give
up and then she said immediately like
right away she gets another sound
insider saying you've always been a
fighter so how can you give up now
and she gathers just enough courage to
write one more poem so so I thought to
myself you know the kind of life I was
choosing paying people off and moving
away I am filling my life up with
anxiety and pain and regret I mean I
don't want to be at my daddy's and look
back in my life and and say I'm a nobody
I kept running away and because you know
the consequences of your choices and
beliefs is exactly what fills your life
up with either pain or the pride or the
freedom that my daddy experienced and so
for me you know this is an easy decision
right I'm gonna ask all of you who are
actually facing that problem alright but
are afraid to speak up in front of a
crowd are you are you really willing to
go in that entire situation every single
day escaping hiding oh my god what if I
forget something what if this person
thinks this about me I don't escape this
anything but this or do you want to just
move out of there okay
gone up in front of the crowd pump your
fists and say you know what anything but
that you want to laugh at me go ahead
because frankly I don't really care
about this audience I care about what
I'm going to be ten years from now what
I'm going to think about myself ten
years from now so you know what bring it
on I want this because there is a gun to
your head and those are the only two
choices that you have thank you
[Applause]