How To Deal With Difficult People (Emotionally) Video Lecture | Anger Management: Learn to have control over your Anger - Health & Fitness

hello my name is noah elkrief and in
this video i'm going to talk about how
to deal with difficult people so in life
it seems as though different people that
come into our life are very difficult
and annoying but in order to understand
how to deal with difficult people you
need to understand first that there is
no difficult people there are no
difficult people and there are no
annoying people there are only people
and sometimes we get annoyed okay that
might seem like a very insignificant
difference but it's actually huge okay
so if you see this hand movement you
might think this hand movement is
annoying it's not it's a hand movement
and the story you tell about it makes
you annoyed by it do you understand the
difference the hand movement isn't
annoying you are annoyed that is a
feeling that you have this feeling that
you have annoyance is not created by
this hand movement it's created by the
thoughts in your head okay
so that's very important so if I am a
difficult person if I am saying
something to you right now or doing
something and you are annoyed it seems
as though your annoyance is created by
what I'm doing but it's not your
annoyance is created by your thoughts
about what I'm doing do you see how
that's true because if I'm doing
something or or some difficult person in
your life is doing something and you are
annoyed it seems as though you can't
escape that annoyance as long as they
are around but if you look at the
reality of the situation sometimes when
they are around you sometimes when they
are talking to you sometimes when you
are dealing with them you are not
annoyed if they were factually annoying
and difficult
then every moment that you were with
them they would you would have to be
annoyed but in addition if they were
factually annoying and difficult than
every single person that interacts with
them would have to be annoyed in every
moment but surely there are some people
who aren't annoyed by this particular
person who don't find them difficult so
that's another way to see that your
thoughts are what's creating the
annoyance and not their actions so when
you call someone a difficult person
you're confusing the facts with your
thoughts about the facts right so this
is a hand movement going back and forth
it is not a good hand movement a bad
hand movement in annoying hand movement
those are thoughts about the hand
movement the facts our hand is moving
back and forth that's a fact to say it
is annoying or bad or good is a thought
that exists in your mind separate from
the hand do you understand the
difference so how do you deal with
difficult people first you understand
that it's your own thoughts that are
creating the annoyance and not then this
way you lose some of your anger towards
them because if you are annoyed around a
specific person and you believe that
they are creating your annoyance or
frustration or anger then you've added
another layer of anger on top of it
which is I am annoyed by them and then I
am annoyed that they annoy me okay so in
other words I'm angry at you for
annoying me but if you recognize it's
your thoughts that have been creating
the annoyance and not their actions or
what they say then you can lose your
anger towards them it's not their fault
they're just being how they are and you
get annoyed they are just being how they
are and you get annoyed because of the
thoughts in your head it's not their
fault so now why do you have thoughts
that create this annoyance well it could
be a variety of different things but
generally we have some idea that
something they are doing is wrong or bad
or stupid right
they shouldn't do that they shouldn't
act like that they shouldn't say those
types of things they shouldn't speak in
that voice something about them is bad
basically so why do we have that thought
over and over again they are bad for
doing this bad for doing that why well
I'll tell you why the main reason why we
judge others to be bad in some way and
difficult is to think of ourselves as
better okay so you can't think of
yourself as a nice person unless you
think somebody else is mean because if
you think everybody is nice than you're
just normal you can't think of yourself
as respectful or appropriate or good to
be around unless you judge others to be
worse to be around so every time you
judge them and get annoyed every time
you decide they are difficult and you
get annoyed you also have a little bit
of pleasure that you're not aware of
that makes you feel like you are better
than them you are superior than them you
treat people better you are nicer you
are more appropriate you are funner to
be around you are cooler you are
something so all you need to do is ask
when you're being annoyed by your own
thoughts in response to someone's
actions just ask yourself do I know what
they're doing is bad is it factually bad
or is that just an idea in my head could
somebody else find no issue with what
they're doing do I have to suffer in the
presence of this is their action
factually creating suffering for me is
it factually bad can I think of a few
reasons why the opposite might be true
can I think of a reason why it might be
endearing or silly or inconsequential
irrelevant can can I see that they they
aren't to blame for they have no choice
that's just how they are they're just
unhappy so they're always in a bad mood
it's not their fault they don't want to
be maybe they have a quick temper
maybe they're very demanding they don't
want to be like that it's no fun to have
a quick temper to be in a bad mood to
treat people without respect that's not
an enjoyable way to live so are they to
blame for how they are acting so you can
be in peace and not annoyed in the midst
of any type of person because their
actions their words how they are doesn't
make you unhappy it's only your own
thoughts and as soon as you judge them
and decide or label them to be a
difficult person then every time you're
around them you're automatically before
they even say anything you're
automatically going to be annoyed and
angry because you're just waiting to
find something for them to say that
annoys you and if they said the same if
if somebody else said the same comment
is this difficult person you might not
be affected by it but since you're
looking for them to be difficult and
you're looking for them to be bad in
some way you interpret everything they
say to be annoying or bad or something's
wrong with them so just ask in order to
sort of revert this process or reverse
this process that your mind has created
automatically you just ask yourself is
it possible that they're not annoying is
it possible that that was funny
is it possible that I can be around
someone in a bad mood and not be in a
bad mood myself others maybe are it is
not them that creates our unhappiness so
stop blaming them it is not them that
are difficult that is a story in our
head that says they are difficult so
that's all I have to say about dealing
with difficult people for right now so I
hope you found it helpful that it makes
sense to you and that you can apply it
to your life so please let me know how
it goes in the comments and I'll see you
on the next video bye hello again if you
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so thanks again for watching and I'll
see you around bye